Reply to Am I Wrong? Husband Wants DD to Clean Up After Him

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "Am I Wrong? Husband Wants DD to Clean Up After Him"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I appreciate the compassion a PP had for OP’s DH but I think the fact he’s “dealing” with it by trying to pawn it off on your DD is absolutely inexcusable. I would 100 percent draw a red line at that (and I’d be furious).

If you were doing these chores before and now no longer are willing to because he’s home and not working, that’s very understandable but likely stings a little bit. We have a wonderful neighbor who is unemployed and I know he treats applying for work like a job and tries to keep similar boundaries in place both to keep himself moving but also to not go crazy and I have really respected his approach. I would make it clear to your DD this is not her problem to solve, and let her know the two of you will work with a professional on a plan.

Then I’d go back to therapy and calmly explain what happened and how putting this on your daughter is a nonstarter and frame this more as something like “I have always hated this, I am at my breaking point and it seems to me that you have the ability right better now and I really need you to try”.  Then support him however you can with EF coaching etc (which might make him more efficient during the day too!)

FWIW our situation is not the same but I have strong feelings because my DD was diagnosed with ADHD and it was during that process we basically all realized my DH very likely has it too. I have done a lot of scaffolding for both of them and lately I’ve seen some real improvements in my husband’s ability to set up systems that make him efficient and effective. We do tons of checklists, alarms on phones, reminders and write absolutely everything down. I think he actually feels a lot happier and calmer now that’s he’s not missing things and feeling like he’s messed up.

He doesn’t mind cleaning as much as your husband but he has very little ability to kind of just keep things clean (which frustrates me because we sometimes work from home on the same days and I do little bits all day but he just generates more dishes most of the time. It has to be CLEAN UP TIME and he usually listens to stand up comedy or something in the background to make it more palatable. Perhaps rather than keeping the kitchen clean you could ask that at x time he goes and cleans up the day? I think the idea of keeping a space clean indefinitely feels impossible to some people. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics