Reply to BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for the replies. It helps to get some outside perspective. Just to add some more context: the birthday dinner actually feels like a more important event to me than the party, because I'll have all my children around me - something that happens infrequently because of their busy lives (and they have already booked their flights home). So, to me, it's more than "a dinner reservation". 
My husband is the party person and persuaded me that we should host a celebration for our friends. Believe me, I don't usually want a fuss over my birthday, but when plans started rolling I started to really look forward to the events.

I don't want to sway my husband either way - and when he first heard about his brother's wedding he was quick to say that we had plans and, sorry, we couldn't go. But the pressure he's getting from his brothers and father to go is really eating at him. On one hand, if he goes, [b]I'll be resentful that they were so dismissive of the plans we had made.[/b] But if he doesn't go, there could be long-held resentment from them. I know I could be the bigger person here and go ahead with the family dinner, without him, but I find the thought of that, and the background to how it comes about, quite upsetting. [/quote]  You told them you had dinner plans. I can’t lie, I’d be incredibly hurt if my sibling told me they had to miss my wedding because of a dinner.

Are you saying now that your children are flying in to see you? Was this explained to your BIL?[/quote]

Alternatively, springing an Australia wedding on siblings with 4 weeks notice is an indication that they don’t actually have to come. [/quote] Sure, and if that’s the reason that seems more reasonable than “I have dinner plans”.  But that’s not what OP said.[/quote]

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