Reply to Is dating just a means to an end for 50+ men?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m happily (re)married so I haven’t dated in well over a decade, but my cousin is newly divorced and very confounded by feedback she’s gotten as she ventures “out there”.

She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.

She has one adult child in the military who hasn’t lived at home since he left for boot camp five years ago. And one very chill medium sized dog.

There’s no drama with her ex. He was wanted to live in his native country after their son left the nest. She did not. The pandemic kept them apart for over a year. After trying to revive things long distance for a few years, they amicably separated. She never bad mouths him. He doesn’t pay alimony or anything.

She expects to split the expenses of dating.

I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.

If you are dating, is it really like that? 
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Look a small number men on dating apps get like 80% of the matches(or whatever for different sites). These man have endless choices but they only represent like 5% of the men on the site. You can do the numbers- single man, 50ish years old(27% of men 50-60), not over weight(30%), over 6’(14%), makes $100k(16%) and college educated(44%).  Now add in 50ish men who want to date someone under 45 and the dating apps pushing the more popular men.

The number go something like this 5% of men on dating apps gets 65% of all the matches, 25% get 80% and 60% of men get no matches. So the top men do great and have an endless options. The rest will be lucky to get one match. The most desirable men are in high demand and the competition is fierce.

I do not think men in the 50’s are pushing for sex on the first date but if it is a lukewarm date they have other options. This applies to the top 10%. The others men are desperate but are not selected. Dating apps, etc are not a great experience for either women or men.

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