Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m happily (re)married so I haven’t dated in well over a decade, but my cousin is newly divorced and very confounded by feedback she’s gotten as she ventures “out there”.

She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.

She has one adult child in the military who hasn’t lived at home since he left for boot camp five years ago. And one very chill medium sized dog.

There’s no drama with her ex. He was wanted to live in his native country after their son left the nest. She did not. The pandemic kept them apart for over a year. After trying to revive things long distance for a few years, they amicably separated. She never bad mouths him. He doesn’t pay alimony or anything.

She expects to split the expenses of dating.

I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.

If you are dating, is it really like that?

Look a small number men on dating apps get like 80% of the matches(or whatever for different sites). These man have endless choices but they only represent like 5% of the men on the site. You can do the numbers- single man, 50ish years old(27% of men 50-60), not over weight(30%), over 6’(14%), makes $100k(16%) and college educated(44%). Now add in 50ish men who want to date someone under 45 and the dating apps pushing the more popular men.

The number go something like this 5% of men on dating apps gets 65% of all the matches, 25% get 80% and 60% of men get no matches. So the top men do great and have an endless options. The rest will be lucky to get one match. The most desirable men are in high demand and the competition is fierce.

I do not think men in the 50’s are pushing for sex on the first date but if it is a lukewarm date they have other options. This applies to the top 10%. The others men are desperate but are not selected. Dating apps, etc are not a great experience for either women or men.

I think you can remove the over-6-foot requirement for most women and expand the dating pool by a lot. The average height for a woman is 5'6, so anyone over 5'7 is fine for the majority of women. Also, women dating 50+ men are rarely looking to procreate, so genetic factors like height don't matter.

Anonymous wrote:Men dating over 50 want a nurse and a housekeeper. Maybe a social chair. Hard pass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't dating a means to an end for men of all ages?

Huh, what end? Somewhere to live with a cook, maid, sx, and social coordinator?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m happily (re)married so I haven’t dated in well over a decade, but my cousin is newly divorced and very confounded by feedback she’s gotten as she ventures “out there”.

She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.

She has one adult child in the military who hasn’t lived at home since he left for boot camp five years ago. And one very chill medium sized dog.

There’s no drama with her ex. He was wanted to live in his native country after their son left the nest. She did not. The pandemic kept them apart for over a year. After trying to revive things long distance for a few years, they amicably separated. She never bad mouths him. He doesn’t pay alimony or anything.

She expects to split the expenses of dating.

I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.

If you are dating, is it really like that?

Look a small number men on dating apps get like 80% of the matches(or whatever for different sites). These man have endless choices but they only represent like 5% of the men on the site. You can do the numbers- single man, 50ish years old(27% of men 50-60), not over weight(30%), over 6’(14%), makes $100k(16%) and college educated(44%). Now add in 50ish men who want to date someone under 45 and the dating apps pushing the more popular men.

The number go something like this 5% of men on dating apps gets 65% of all the matches, 25% get 80% and 60% of men get no matches. So the top men do great and have an endless options. The rest will be lucky to get one match. The most desirable men are in high demand and the competition is fierce.

I do not think men in the 50’s are pushing for sex on the first date but if it is a lukewarm date they have other options. This applies to the top 10%. The others men are desperate but are not selected. Dating apps, etc are not a great experience for either women or men.

Anonymous wrote:I’m happily (re)married so I haven’t dated in well over a decade, but my cousin is newly divorced and very confounded by feedback she’s gotten as she ventures “out there”.

She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.

She has one adult child in the military who hasn’t lived at home since he left for boot camp five years ago. And one very chill medium sized dog.

There’s no drama with her ex. He was wanted to live in his native country after their son left the nest. She did not. The pandemic kept them apart for over a year. After trying to revive things long distance for a few years, they amicably separated. She never bad mouths him. He doesn’t pay alimony or anything.

She expects to split the expenses of dating.

I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.

If you are dating, is it really like that?

Anonymous wrote:I’m happily (re)married so I haven’t dated in well over a decade, but my cousin is newly divorced and very confounded by feedback she’s gotten as she ventures “out there”.

She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.

She has one adult child in the military who hasn’t lived at home since he left for boot camp five years ago. And one very chill medium sized dog.

There’s no drama with her ex. He was wanted to live in his native country after their son left the nest. She did not. The pandemic kept them apart for over a year. After trying to revive things long distance for a few years, they amicably separated. She never bad mouths him. He doesn’t pay alimony or anything.

She expects to split the expenses of dating.

I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.

If you are dating, is it really like that?

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, is your friend actually asking men directly what they are looking for when they first start messaging? I know that society historically tells us that women aren't supposed to ask that as to appear too needy and scare a man off, but a man who is looking for a relationship will be honest and say so. A man looking for a hookup may be honest and say so, or he might say he doesnt know what he is looking for, he just wants to wait and see what happens, depends on the woman, etc.

Conversely, is she putting out “just want to have fun” vibes either in her pics or profile or both? If she wants a relationship she needs to own it. The fact that many of her first dates are dancing leads me to believe that she is portraying herself as a party girl/doesnt want anything serious.

Fwiw, I have a good male friend in ftlaud/miami who met his long-term gf on old. They are both normal people (albeit tan and in shape, he much moreso before he moved to S Florida) who found each other. It can happen!!

Anonymous wrote:As a newly divorced man in his 50s, I ll say she is better off with a much younger man since she is only 50. A lot of divorced men in their 50s such as myself are often squeezed to the max financially between alimony child support and college tuition expenses etc.

I think she will have a better experience is she stays in the bracket 35-45.

To answer your question since I really can't offer a woman who is seeking a serious relationship anything given how squeezed I am financially and also being an executive in my mid 50s, I just date casually and expect sex as soon as possible. And I am upfront about it, I won't lie to any woman. Sure I make $425k, but I have 3 kids in college and ex-wife to support. So relationship is just not reasonable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't dating a means to an end for men of all ages?

And women too. They're on the apps because they want to get something out of it. Nothing wrong with that.

What are the main things they want to “get out of it?

What are these “means to an end” you cliche on about?

Pls provide examples - separate ones or ones that overlap.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here, that hasnt been my experience at all. My 2 cents:

1- She needs to do a better job of vetting men before she goes out on dates. Get to know them a bit first before agreeing to meet. Make it a little harder for them to get your precious time. The ones who arent interested in even a phone call before a date will see themselves to the door.

2- Along those lines, the men who discuss sex within the first few messages are saying who they are loud and clear. Dont entertain them.

3- Is she only going for super hot men? Slick dudes? Dudes super into appearance (yeH, yeah, I know its Miami). Imho you can tell by a mans profile pics/profile content what he is looking for.

Thank you.

Now that you mention it, #3 might be most of the problem. She was married to a very attractive, but very nice man. I think she doesn’t have good player radar.

After age 50, a man who is good looking and capable of having sex has his choice of women.