Reply to In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yet another post where a selfish and nasty DIL seeks affirmation from other selfish and nasty DILs that it’s cool to treat your ILs heartlessly and like shit.  (And let me save responders the trouble, no, I am not a mother-in-law so responses such as “here comes self-involved boomer mother-in-law” are not relevant.)

There is no way to tell the in laws that they can’t come for the birthdays for several days in either direction because the other parents are visiting.  That’s just so incredibly rude and obnoxious and extremely hurt feelings would not only be inevitable but entirely justified.  I mean, WTF?  OP, ask your parents what they’d think if the shoe was on the other foot.  Yes, your parents are coming from abroad, but the ILs don’t live down the street either.

And the other poster who uses the opportunity to tell her irrelevant anecdote about her parents coming to stay for a week? That’s not the case here.

Finally, if your kids don’t want the in-laws coming for their birthday, you know what, so the F what. Teach them to show some respect.

The answer to your childish dilemma is perfectly clear: grow up. Reach out to the in-laws, tell them you would love to have them like every other year, but this year is a little complicated space wise and would they mind staying in a hotel for the night? If they can’t handle that, then I’ll cut you some slack. But please, be the adult in the room. That sounds like it might be a new experience for you.[/quote]

This was pretty nasty! I don't understand why grandparents think they are entitled to spend a birthday child's day with them. They've had their own children, it's the parents' turn now. These are grandchildren, not their own children. [/quote]

Spare me the “entitled” bullshit.  They LIKE it.  They’re the grandparents.  They want to see their grandkids on their birthdays.  What’s the problem?  For every post like this there’s another where the poster complains about the grandparents’ lack of interest or involvement.

There’s plenty of room for compromise here where OP can easily avoid hurt feelings and be a decent person.  I’m not talking about carving out the entire day for the ILs and the birthday girl.  I’m talking about including them in whatever is already planned for the birthday for that day in which the other visiting parents will be included — and suggesting a hotel.

The other parents are there for TWO WEEKS.  I imagine the in-laws have never spent two weeks at OP’s house.  It would kill no one in this family and would be very gracious if for PART of ONE day the in-laws be permitted to participate.  Again, change no plans for anyone, just invite the ILs along for a couple of hours of the ride.

The only valid and reasonable excuse for not doing so would be if OP and her parents have absolutely nothing planned for the kids’s birthday — which isn't likely — and she is just going to go out with her friends. If that is the case, then tell that to the in-laws. But be honest and be an adult.[/quote]

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