Anonymous wrote:Yet another post where a selfish and nasty DIL seeks affirmation from other selfish and nasty DILs that it’s cool to treat your ILs heartlessly and like shit. (And let me save responders the trouble, no, I am not a mother-in-law so responses such as “here comes self-involved boomer mother-in-law” are not relevant.)

There is no way to tell the in laws that they can’t come for the birthdays for several days in either direction because the other parents are visiting. That’s just so incredibly rude and obnoxious and extremely hurt feelings would not only be inevitable but entirely justified. I mean, WTF? OP, ask your parents what they’d think if the shoe was on the other foot. Yes, your parents are coming from abroad, but the ILs don’t live down the street either.

And the other poster who uses the opportunity to tell her irrelevant anecdote about her parents coming to stay for a week? That’s not the case here.

Finally, if your kids don’t want the in-laws coming for their birthday, you know what, so the F what. Teach them to show some respect.

The answer to your childish dilemma is perfectly clear: grow up. Reach out to the in-laws, tell them you would love to have them like every other year, but this year is a little complicated space wise and would they mind staying in a hotel for the night? If they can’t handle that, then I’ll cut you some slack. But please, be the adult in the room. That sounds like it might be a new experience for you.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. In our case, we would just take everyone to dinner the night before or something.

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the way minority, but I really don't see the problem in inviting them to do a quick popover (one night, staying at a hotel, seeing you for dinner and breakfast) if the birthday timing is super important to them or for a longer stay in a month if they can be more flexible.

You already have house guests! They live pretty close! I could very easily have that conversation with both my parents and my inlaws. (And I have trouble imagining any reasonable adults who couldn't.)

Also, your kids are teen/tween-age?! Did your grandparents spend every birthday with you at that age? I just think you need to re-set expectations a bit. And yeah, they might be disappointed but only they can control their feelings.

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws live a few hours a day and like to visit on or around the kids birthdays. I don't love having them on the kids' birthdays because it kind of ruins the day to have to cater to them instead of the birthday child (this year my teen was gracious and kind all day but later expressed that she wished they'd visited another day and we could have just had a family dinner). This year, my own parents will be in town from overseas for two weeks and my pre-teen's birthday falls in the middle of that and my in-laws are very upset that they can't visit on or within a few days of her b-day. Any recommendations on how to help smooth things over and maybe reset expectations for future years especially as the kids get older and want to do their own thing on their birthdays?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another post where a selfish and nasty DIL seeks affirmation from other selfish and nasty DILs that it’s cool to treat your ILs heartlessly and like shit. (And let me save responders the trouble, no, I am not a mother-in-law so responses such as “here comes self-involved boomer mother-in-law” are not relevant.)

There is no way to tell the in laws that they can’t come for the birthdays for several days in either direction because the other parents are visiting. That’s just so incredibly rude and obnoxious and extremely hurt feelings would not only be inevitable but entirely justified. I mean, WTF? OP, ask your parents what they’d think if the shoe was on the other foot. Yes, your parents are coming from abroad, but the ILs don’t live down the street either.

And the other poster who uses the opportunity to tell her irrelevant anecdote about her parents coming to stay for a week? That’s not the case here.

Finally, if your kids don’t want the in-laws coming for their birthday, you know what, so the F what. Teach them to show some respect.

The answer to your childish dilemma is perfectly clear: grow up. Reach out to the in-laws, tell them you would love to have them like every other year, but this year is a little complicated space wise and would they mind staying in a hotel for the night? If they can’t handle that, then I’ll cut you some slack. But please, be the adult in the room. That sounds like it might be a new experience for you.

This was pretty nasty! I don't understand why grandparents think they are entitled to spend a birthday child's day with them. They've had their own children, it's the parents' turn now. These are grandchildren, not their own children.

Anonymous wrote:Yet another post where a selfish and nasty DIL seeks affirmation from other selfish and nasty DILs that it’s cool to treat your ILs heartlessly and like shit. (And let me save responders the trouble, no, I am not a mother-in-law so responses such as “here comes self-involved boomer mother-in-law” are not relevant.)

There is no way to tell the in laws that they can’t come for the birthdays for several days in either direction because the other parents are visiting. That’s just so incredibly rude and obnoxious and extremely hurt feelings would not only be inevitable but entirely justified. I mean, WTF? OP, ask your parents what they’d think if the shoe was on the other foot. Yes, your parents are coming from abroad, but the ILs don’t live down the street either.

And the other poster who uses the opportunity to tell her irrelevant anecdote about her parents coming to stay for a week? That’s not the case here.

Finally, if your kids don’t want the in-laws coming for their birthday, you know what, so the F what. Teach them to show some respect.

The answer to your childish dilemma is perfectly clear: grow up. Reach out to the in-laws, tell them you would love to have them like every other year, but this year is a little complicated space wise and would they mind staying in a hotel for the night? If they can’t handle that, then I’ll cut you some slack. But please, be the adult in the room. That sounds like it might be a new experience for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teenagers and they manage to see the grandparents and also do things with their friends for their bdays. Why does it have to be either or?

Seriously. The grandparents arrive, the family has dinner out the night before the birthday to celebrate the birthday child. Following day is actual birthday, everyone sings as the birthday song, presents. Child is free to go to swim party, pizza, host sleepover. Whatever. It's possible to do multiple things. My kids have often had visiting grandparents be some part of their birthdays.

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, why can't they visit this year?