Reply to Summer/holiday plans w in-laws

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Give them equal time. The when and what don't need to be decided. The equal time, though, needs to happen.[/quote]

Totally disagree about equal time. My parents swoop in all the time to help dh and I, watch the kids for 2 weeks so dh and I can travel, and take us all on an international vacation yearly. The other side just asks when we're visiting (and it's a lot of work for us to visit them, but I do it). I'm willing to plan anything for my parents. I don't have the bandwidth to plan anything for inlaws, so I let dh take the lead on that. He plans nothing. I'm sure my inlaws will want a week that my kids are really looking forward to at a special summer camp. They never pick a week that would help us.

I do believe in equal holidays though. I rotate holidays between our sides of the family. [/quote]

You’re modeling for your kids that the dad’s side of the family is less important than the mom’s. Hope you don’t have sons.[/quote]

Nope. I'm modeling that people who want to spend time with you and who think you're important, will spend time with you. People who straight up ignore you and then ask when you're visiting obviously don't value you. I would hate to think I'm raising doormats.

I absolutely would help my son and would visit him as much as I visit my daughters. When they have crises/hospitalizations/new babies, I will offer support and assistance.

DH has even said that he'd do anything for my parents because they let us travel 2 weeks a year as a couple while they watch our kids. It's priceless and he knows that. [/quote]

A grandparent’s relationship shouldn’t be dependent on whether they help you get your kid free vacation.  [/quote]

NP. Correct, it should not be. However, a grandparent’s relationship should be entirely dependent on the amount of effort that the grandparent and their own adult child put into it.[/quote]

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