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[quote=Anonymous]My youngest daughter is very bright and accomplished. She is 33. She is unhappy and blames her mother. Her mother isn’t as “bad”as my daughter thinks, but my wife made the mistake of significantly favoring the older sister. My mother who spent her adult life as an addict informed my wife of the perils of favoritism as she was wracked by guilt, but my wife dismissed this input as coming from a fat, dumb and lazy addict. I am an identical twin and was grossly disfavored, beaten and abused by my father. I know how badly that treatment stings. I told my daughter I left home at 18 with no support from anyone to attend great schools and make a life. No way my parents were ever going to support me in any way and I learned to respect the guy in the mirror as a 15 year old. Not easy for a beaten kid with his head always down.  Sure, I reached adulthood a bit early. I tell my daughter she should now have her own emotional orbit not dependent on her parents. It is not getting through, and she is far more than the typical unhappy. She is very bright and likely was the best student in the state (perfect PSAT and SAT scores and a phenom in the Ivy League), but that really works against her because she has been advised her entire life that she can “fix” anything. I am at fault here to some degree. I have always been super encouraging and supportive of her, (both my kids actually) but I have flaws and made mistakes. She is undeservedly positive about me and really doesn’t accept the notion I too am flawed. The constant focus is on punishing her mother. I was a national class athlete - something my wife despises and derides me about and doesn’t permit me to talk about without blowing up at me (not realizing that athletics permitted to gain an education and the very nice life we lead) but I worked through difficulties with a positive approach. All my trophies and awards and photos have been thrown away. I can’t imagine, however, any kind of success for me without athletics. My daughter connects with that and is the only one in the family to appreciate my somewhat miraculous efforts but in the end she is an adult and should be independent minded. She is an exec at one of the toniest banks in Europe and never wants to come back to the US because of her feelings for her mother. I can’t fix any of this and it makes me sad. I come from nothing but poverty and desperation and just didn’t imagine things would turn out this way. I am lucky given my circumstances but it is my greatest disappointment. [/quote]

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