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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the only response to adult children criticizing the way you raised them is to listen. Any sort of defensiveness just shuts down the communication. And if they are bringing this up to you, they are looking for your help in repairing something you might have messed up.

We all make mistakes. But refusing to take responsibility for those mistakes continues the damage. Listening and les ring can repair the damage. So which one do you want?[/quote]

This. Even when mine were just tweens I listened to criticisms and acknowledged things where I agree I made mistakes or accepted they saw things through a tween lens and might understand in time. I listened and didn't get defensive. When I catch myself making a big mistake, I take responsibility.

My own mother cannot accept any feedback at all and has even demanded praise before. I wrote some generic nice things ina birthday card a few years ago and she yelled at me for not giving detailed praise. I survived dealing with her throughout life by going along to get along and only occasionally rebelling, but in middle age I just have too much going on so I distanced more and had to outsource a lot with her so protect my sanity. She wonders why she has so many estrangements and distanced relationships both in her family and among friendships and former friendships. It's pretty clear. Any time a friend criticizes her even gently, she goes off the rails.[/quote]

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