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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP. It a really awful to accuse me of being careless and doing stuff wrong, or being impatient. The opposite is true. I am her caregiver 9 mi this per year as she refuses outside help. If anything, I do too much for her. My sister does nothing and that’s ok - it’s her decision. I don’t want to be taken advantage of - I have more than enough on my plate with full time work, a chronic health condition, and absentee husband with no income and kids of my own. For my mom to expect me to be her servant - that’s just a bit much.[/quote]

Tell your mom that given her level of need you must now insist on outside care. You are concerned because if something were to happen to you it's clear that she couldn't care for herself, and it's important that you have that care worked out so someone could step up in an emergency. Or, just that you need it now because your own health is suffering.

I mean, it doesn't matter if she's faking or not. She is requiring too much of you. Cut back your time with her and offer to have outside help come in your place. [/quote]

This. Can she afford it? OP The advice in this is so on target. My situation was different because in addition to the neediness there was emotional abuse, but it's amazing what taking myself out of the equation did. Mom's skills were so much higher without me enabling. I am the one where it was just age related decline and mental health. Also, she became more social and had to exercise her social skills instead of just trying to manipulate, guilt trip and insult me into doing things. So many things she found too much, she got done because she didn't want to be too demanding of a stranger. You can love someone with long arms. You want to make sure she has decent care, but that doesn't have to be care from you.[/quote]

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