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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I seem to be having a hard time letting go and not judging myself whenever my kids don’t do well. I get overly emotional over things and unsure how to handle in such situations. I do blame myself when its not my fault.  Whether its sports, school or other behavior expectations. My kids are 13 and 10. Any suggestions? Please be kind.[/quote]

It's normal to get attached to your children's successes and failures, even though it's not really socially acceptable to say that. I'm sure you've interrogated this instinct over the years, because it comes up for me constantly with my kids and I'm constantly slamming it down and my oldest just turned six. Just constantly reframe this for yourself and seek therapy if you're getting too wrapped up in this for your own good, because college stuff will really make this come up. I tell myself that as a parent my "job" is to offer unconditional love, teach them healthy boundaries and relationships and provide emotional support in addition to supporting them to do the best that they can in school, sports, and the arts. How well they perform is generally not a reflection of how well I have parented them, but a reflection of determination/grit, aptitude, and other external factors. The older our kids get the more we come face to face with different realities (good and bad) that they may face as a function of how they are but this is their journey as people, not your journey. Support them, push them here and there, but recognize that this is about them more than it is about you. All that said, it's natural to have the emotions that you're having. Being a parent is hard. [/quote]

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