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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.[/quote]

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that. [/quote]

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore. [/quote]

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel. [/quote]

NP. But it’s not worth it. Neither is the flakey friend. Set up another meeting to talk it out? Put a date of doom on my calendar to express how I feel? Life’s too short for this bullshit.

My MIL used to *mail* me long discursive letters saying exactly how she felt about me and or attempting to apologize. I opened one - it was very upsetting. Second one I handed unopened to DH. At some point, a letter would arrive and I’d shred it, unread. Cut your losses and save yourself! [/quote]

No one with any sense is going to sit and listen to or read a contemptuous lecture from another adult that seeks to summarize and itemize one's character. One, another people is not in my head, is not around me every second of the days for years to know what I have been through and what I am thinking and two, other people need to worry about their own problems and stay out of my brain[/quote]

It's not about someone else's character; you're not taking their inventory. You're talking about your feelings. I statements. [/quote]

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