Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that.

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore.

What I owe *to myself* is relative peace and quiet. That's not what I get whenever I have some come-to-Jesus talk with a friend about how I feel they've slighted me. What I have received in the past when I've tried is escalation, bad behavior, and verbal abuse. I don't need that in my life, and I don't need it to feel like a decent human.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel.

Ever considered that maybe your "come-to-Jesus talk" approach could use some refinement?

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that with a lot of people standing up for yourself ends up hurting you. They can't take it, call you some name for calling them out on their issue, etc. They might tell another friend I am high maintenance or some other slight. I've done something like this where I say once that I really like to make sure we are on or say I am not sure because I want to be sure I have plans Saturday night. After the first time if I don't get some sort of response that makes me feel my needs are really heard I willdl do a slow fade if it happens again. Most or the time I am their b or c level friend and they are using me by canceling on me if something better in their eyes comes up so they actually appreciate the slow fade so they can consider me a friend without any effort. They can't handle any discussion and simply don't care enough to care about fixing the issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that.

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that.

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel.

NP. But it’s not worth it. Neither is the flakey friend. Set up another meeting to talk it out? Put a date of doom on my calendar to express how I feel? Life’s too short for this bullshit.

My MIL used to *mail* me long discursive letters saying exactly how she felt about me and or attempting to apologize. I opened one - it was very upsetting. Second one I handed unopened to DH. At some point, a letter would arrive and I’d shred it, unread. Cut your losses and save yourself!

Y'all make a lot of stupid excuses. You don't need to write a "long discursive letter" about it. But the next time Stacy asks you to hang, you just say "I've been kinda frustrated by the fact that you've asked to hang out and then bailed a few times now. What's up?" OP says this person repeatedly asks for new opportunities to hang. There's your chat window.

And it shouldn't feel "date of doom" to stand up for yourself and articulate your own feelings directly. If it does, you might want to get some help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that.

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore.

What I owe *to myself* is relative peace and quiet. That's not what I get whenever I have some come-to-Jesus talk with a friend about how I feel they've slighted me. What I have received in the past when I've tried is escalation, bad behavior, and verbal abuse. I don't need that in my life, and I don't need it to feel like a decent human.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that.

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel.

NP. But it’s not worth it. Neither is the flakey friend. Set up another meeting to talk it out? Put a date of doom on my calendar to express how I feel? Life’s too short for this bullshit.

My MIL used to *mail* me long discursive letters saying exactly how she felt about me and or attempting to apologize. I opened one - it was very upsetting. Second one I handed unopened to DH. At some point, a letter would arrive and I’d shred it, unread. Cut your losses and save yourself!

+1

No one with any sense is going to sit and listen to or read a contemptuous lecture from another adult that seeks to summarize and itemize one's character. One, another people is not in my head, is not around me every second of the days for years to know what I have been through and what I am thinking and two, other people need to worry about their own problems and stay out of my brain

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that.

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel.

NP. But it’s not worth it. Neither is the flakey friend. Set up another meeting to talk it out? Put a date of doom on my calendar to express how I feel? Life’s too short for this bullshit.

My MIL used to *mail* me long discursive letters saying exactly how she felt about me and or attempting to apologize. I opened one - it was very upsetting. Second one I handed unopened to DH. At some point, a letter would arrive and I’d shred it, unread. Cut your losses and save yourself!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that.

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel.

Stand up for yourself? That doesn't apply here. Other people are not here on Earth to serve us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that.

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore.

What I owe *to myself* is relative peace and quiet. That's not what I get whenever I have some come-to-Jesus talk with a friend about how I feel they've slighted me. What I have received in the past when I've tried is escalation, bad behavior, and verbal abuse. I don't need that in my life, and I don't need it to feel like a decent human.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that.

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel.

NP. But it’s not worth it. Neither is the flakey friend. Set up another meeting to talk it out? Put a date of doom on my calendar to express how I feel? Life’s too short for this bullshit.

My MIL used to *mail* me long discursive letters saying exactly how she felt about me and or attempting to apologize. I opened one - it was very upsetting. Second one I handed unopened to DH. At some point, a letter would arrive and I’d shred it, unread. Cut your losses and save yourself!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that.

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that.

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore.

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel.

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure it’s mostly anxious, depressed or abused people doing this. I don’t think people wake up and think, “How can I ruin friendships and annoy my friends by cancelling on them?”