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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry to upset the cowards on this thread, but if you "slow fade" your friend for being flaky, you're a crappy friend yourself.

Tell people what upsets you. Seriously. It's not that hard. Sneaking out the back door because you've never bothered to acquired confrontation skills makes you the flaky friend: you are flaking on the conversation that obviously needs to happen here. Not saying it's resolvable, but you need to use your words and say "Hey, this is upsetting to me. When you bail after making plans, I feel _______". It's also part of being a good friend to yourself. Advocate for your needs.

The slow fade needs to die the coward's death it deserves, along with "ghosting" and all this other low-integrity nonsense we're slipping into. Do better.[/quote]

Op here, I totally agree with you. Slow fade is lame, I know that. [/quote]

Slow fade isn’t lame, and it’s not the same as ghosting. If someone repeatedly stands me up, I’m under no obligation to have a sit down with them and tell them my feelings. I just won’t make plans with them anymore. [/quote]

If someone "repeatedly" stands you up, you've already done yourself dirty by not confronting them and addressing the situation. Once is an honest mistake. Twice? Suspicious. More than that? You're contributing to the dynamic by not addressing the problem.

You have an obligation *to yourself* to stand up for yourself and express how you feel. [/quote]

NP. But it’s not worth it. Neither is the flakey friend. Set up another meeting to talk it out? Put a date of doom on my calendar to express how I feel? Life’s too short for this bullshit.

My MIL used to *mail* me long discursive letters saying exactly how she felt about me and or attempting to apologize. I opened one - it was very upsetting. Second one I handed unopened to DH. At some point, a letter would arrive and I’d shred it, unread. Cut your losses and save yourself! [/quote]

Y'all make a lot of stupid excuses. You don't need to write a "long discursive letter" about it. But the next time Stacy asks you to hang, you just say "I've been kinda frustrated by the fact that you've asked to hang out and then bailed a few times now. What's up?" OP says this person repeatedly asks for new opportunities to hang. There's your chat window.

And it shouldn't feel "date of doom" to stand up for yourself and articulate your own feelings directly. If it does, you might want to get some help.[/quote]

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