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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My H and I are amicably divorced.

[b]They have asked that we don’t invite them to things with our significant others.

They want a relationship with us not our SO. [/b]They are not saying they never want to see our SO. For example my H’s SO. Came to Thanksgiving dinner at my house

But for every interaction with the SO present they would like a few without

We don’t vacation with the SO, we don’t visit them with the SO.

For me it was easy my SO (quite frankly) doesn’t care one way or another.  Hrs not like we need to be one big happy family. He’s like go be with your adult kids and grandchildren I’ll be here when you come back,

Women OTOH take these things personally. Women tend to want to be “part of the family”. Perhaps the GF gave off the I’ll be a bonus mom vibe

But I would not just drop it at 1 letter I’d go visit your daughter alone and ask her what a relationship  she wants with you looks like.[/quote]

Let me ask you this: Would you EVER say something similar to your adult child? Tell them that you want to see them but only on the condition they leave their spouse/partner at home?  I doubt you would.

Why is it completely up to an ADULT child to dictate terms of the relationship? I always thought relationships were two-way streets.

It's also easy for you to say you don't mind because you are not being asked/told to stay away. Your SO is the one staying at home while you visit your kids/grandkids. You may think he doesn't mind being excluded but he may have a different take.

[/quote]

Yes. I took my kids to Italy last year and I did not invite their SO's. That would be insane. It's not their wives.

Often I go out with my best friend without my H (at the time) or my SO.

I go golfing with girlfriends I would never bring my SO.

When I go to the beach in June I go with friends, my SO is not invited.

I think what is wildly odd is SO's/H's that think they need to be part of every.single.interaction.

My SO goes to his daughters for birthdays, holidays, etc and No I don't go. He meets her for lunch often, I don't go.

I even would have time alone with my kids when they were growing up without my spouse.

It is a two way street, they give me feedback and we so what is best for our relationship. You think  me having my H's new girlfriend to Thanksgiving at my house wasn't a compromise by everybody.

Grow up.[/quote]

You make it sound so egalitarian, but most parents welcome their kids’ SO’s into everything with open arms, but these ACODs can’t bring themselves to be nearly as hospitable.[/quote]

No not everything, somethings. That's the point. See your daughter without your current girlfriend sometimes.

Also, you used egalitarian wrong.

Equitable, egalitarian, you say tomato…

Fact:  A lot ACODs are not willing to treat a parent’s new partner the way they would like that parent to treat their own partner.  Hypocrisy.

[/quote][/quote]

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