Reply to Relative gives “gifts” from closet

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Relative gives “gifts” from closet "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Smile, say thank you, donate.

You are not entitled to brand new gifts.

This entire idea in your head that their method of gift giving is a sign of hate or something you should talk to them about is just crazy!![/quote]

Not OP, but you are gaslighting. Gifts have been used to manipulate, harm, etc for centuries...anywhere from gifting something laced with poison to trying to manipulate politics with gifts and win favor so to imply a gift is always altruistic and someone is crazy to think otherwise is gaslighting.That said, I assume the best, but also set boundaries. If the person is genuinely kind otherwise I might let it go and chose my battles. If not, I would make it clear before the next closet dump that you now have a no gift policy, the gift is seeing them. You appreciate her thinking of you, but you no longer have room for more stuff. Then if she continues, you keep the boundary and don't bring it home with you. If dad sends it, do not mention it and just donate.

I come from a family of people who use gifts in every way but kindness. They give gifts with strings, they give used gifts with holes to be passive aggressive, they give gifts to push buttons and take glee in upsetting the relative and the list goes on. The same 2 people who do this also have mental health issues and refuse to stick with help.  It was hard setting a polite, but firm boundary and there was a ton of pushback and dramatics, but finally years later it stopped. Now other relatives complain to me about their incredibly rude gifts (sending someone morbidly obese who had a heart attack decadent desserts, sending a new mom used baby clothes with stains and holes, sending a chemical conscience mom pajamas for her kids, sending someone with food allergies foods with those ingredients). They go through all this mental gymnastics and really all you need to do is set a boundary, stick with it, yet them flip out and remain calm and polite.[/quote]

I left out for the PJs they were treated with chemicals the family already said they avoid-while they keep you safe in a fire they are also highly toxic. My mother laughed at them and even muttered, I'm giving them new flame resistant PJs every year![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics