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[quote=Anonymous][quote] Is your mom on any medication? Sometimes anti-anxiety with an antipsychotic helps or just finding the right combo. At her age the worry about making sure she isn't kicked out of her facility and doesn't drive you insane is far more important than the worry about side effects of powerful meds.[/quote]

So far they put her on buspar but she evidently did not sleep all night and was wandering into peoples rooms (this is all new behavior as of a week). Maybe they will try something stronger. She also refused medication yesterday and I guess they just accept it? She wouldnt take it unless she knew what it was and either didn’t understand or didn’t trust or they couldn’t explain.

We had to move her rapidly so just went to the memory care in her assisted living but I’m sort of regretting it already. It’s too big and understaffed. Most of the residents are zoned out. My mom is manic , walking around upset and not stopping loving which exhausts them. She also tells me “there’s something wrong with people ! They don’t talk,” which is true. But I can’t deal with another move right now (spending today and tomorrow packing up her old room and moving furniture when I really wanted a break). Maybe we have to give it a few months. I found a small, homey place near me with a staff ration of 5:16 during the day and 3:16 at night. It’s $$$ but probably worth it. From my reading the smaller the environment the better. What seems “stimulating” for normal brains (bigger more people etc) is very hard for dementia.

She has declined so much in just a few days that I cant believe it. She is confusing my timeline with her own I think—- asking me repeatedly me about my divorce, I’ve never been divorced, asking if I still live with my dad/her ex, calling my son by my brothers name, not knowing where she is, unable to use a telephone, and paranoid about some of the staff. I can’t believe she came over for thanksgiving and while she was gently confused she knew who everyone was, chatted easily, etc. it’s like my mom is gone. (She also couldn’t tell someone there who I was yesterday —either forgot I was her daughter or forgot the word, not sure).

Spoke with my brother finally. I guess he feels that he has no solution so why call. But it was good to talk with him. I made him come out for thanksgiving because I said that it might be the last time he can have a conversation with her and he didn’t really believe me but the way things are going she won’t recognize him     Next year.

I still have all these mixed feelings—-I feel pity for the horror show of dementia but also some resentment that I’m stuck with her. Both my dad and brother opted out of course in their own ways years ago. The n.p. At the neurology practice told me, at the appt that my mom was diagnosed with stage 4, to educate myself and buckle up. She also said in her experience it’s almost always the daughters who take on the thankless tasks.

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