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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I want to ask a specific question for the BTDT parents regarding the more extreme versions of picky eating.

How do you handle a child who is being served foods you know they will eat and have eaten recently (like for us we always have bread and butter and fruit on the table for meals) but they say they are not hungry, and then 30 minutes later ask for a snack food or dessert?

To give a very specific example: last night we had chicken tacos. Our picky eater won't eat combined foods and doesn't eat meat but will eat tortillas and shredded cheese so we made sure those were on the table separately. We also had apple slices and peanut butter on the table, which we often do when we know DC won't touch the protein we are eating.

DC ate maybe 3 bites of a tortilla, two bites of shredded cheese, and wouldn't touch the apples or peanut butter, and then said she wasn't really hungry. We said okay and excused her from the table.

Then an hour later she asked if she could have one of the holiday cookies our friends had brought over yesterday. I said no, I couldn't give her a cookie because she ate so little for dinner and I didn't want her to just have a cookie for dinner. I said if she was hungry she could have bread or a tortilla with some butter on it (something she is normally fine with). She declined that but asked if she could have crackers. Part of me wanted to relent just because she was hungry and I just want her to eat. But DH cut in and said no, we were offering several more healthy and filling options than crackers, which she normally eats, and we can't give her crackers instead because they aren't as healthy and won't fill her tummy up the same way.

It's really hard. I don't want her to be hungry. But DH is right if we give in and give her snack foods after a meal that was designed to meet her pickiness halfway, it just reinforces the idea that she can fill up on crackers instead of making the effort to eat the more healthy, higher variety foods we're serving.

Any advice on handling this specific situation? I have no trouble saying no to the cookie but it's hard to hold a firm line when you have a kid saying they are hungry and asking for food but refusing all the options you are offering which are already an accommodation from what was actually served for dinner (like we know she's not going to actually eat a chicken taco).[/quote]

We've done Satter DOR with a variety of kids, including one who is on the extreme end of picky eating, one with medical and trauma related feeding issues, and other with varying degrees of pickiness.

For all of them, except the medical kid, we would serve a meal that was deconstructed and contained something they aren't afraid to eat.  With your menu I'd have the deconstructed taco ingredients out, for people to chose from in unlimited quantities, and then I'd give each person a single serving of dessert (e.g. one cookie) that wasn't connected in any way to what they ate at that meal.  I wouldn't include a replacement protein.  Cheese has protein, and the point is that they're invited to the meal you're sharing.  When they finished the meal, which might mean they ate nothing, or that they ate a ton, or that they ate a few bites, I'd excuse them from the table.  2-3 hours later, I'd serve a snack at the table. If they asked for food in the meantime, I'd tell them "we'll have snack at X time".  I would make sure the snack included multiple food groups, it might be apples and peanut butter.  If the picky kid was under 6, or we were in early stages of Satter, then I'd pick the snack. If they were in elementary school and reasonably competent eater (this doesn't mean not picky), I would let them choose a snack from the fridge that had a couple food groups in it.  I'd put it on the table and sit with them and eat together, but I wouldn't offer a replacement if they didn't eat it, or pressure them to eat.  I'd want to convey confidence that they'd listen to their bodies and meet their own needs.  [/quote]

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