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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A lot of abusers in this thread perfectly describing the abuser mindset and justification. If they lash out at their partner in any way it isn’t abuse because she or he did or didn’t do something that made them angry or frustrated and resentful and this led to them being unable to regulate their emotions so they took that anger or frustration or resentment out on their partner but it isn’t their fault and it isn’t abuse, because if he or she had just done or not done things to cause those emotions in the first place then they wouldn’t have had to have the dysregulated emotion taken out on them.[/quote]

I feel like you have been legitimately abused, but that doesn’t mean everyone on this thread has.

I have an equal partner. If we were at the grocery store, he would be with me or near me, sharing the list. The list we made together. The meals we brainstormed together. If I had a spouse like the pp’s, who goes off and leaves her with 3 kids and the actual list to manage, buys food for just himself, cooks it for just himself without making sure the little ones are fed, and then doesn’t clean up…that would drive me crazy.

If you think that the person who is doing all the shopping for the family and then cleaning up after the person who just fended for themselves and didn’t even clean up after themselves expecting someone else to do it…you think they are the victim?? Because the person carrying the physical and mental load doesn’t do it without being upset??? You need to re-examine your life. [/quote]
Honest question, if you’re both brainstorming and coming up with this list together, why the hell can’t you alternate who shops solo and who stays home with the three kids? Why the hell are you dragging the whole family of 5 to the grocery store? That’s insane, to be honest. Clearly it’s not working out. [/quote]

Well, I only have two kids. But if we are going to the store as a whole family it’s most likely because we are doing it on the way home from somewhere else. It’s sometimes a more efficient use of time. Also, I think it’s good for kids to see where food comes from and that we pay for it and that we have choices. My kids went through a picky phase as toddlers and we spent a lot of time looking at produce and picking new things to try. Now they’re not picky. If they ask for something, I ask how much it costs, and we have a discussion over whether or not it’s a wise purchase. My kids have plenty, but I want them to be wise consumers when they are on their own. The girl on the thread that spent $400 on Sephora clearly doesn’t have an idea of what things cost for a family.

But yeah, if my spouse was absent even while there, I couldn’t do it. My dh could take one to get milk and dairy while I had one with the produce, etc. We weren’t all just crowding the aisles. It just worked out for us. I am grateful. I feel bad for so many couples that aren’t on the same page. [/quote]
Cool. One parent can take one child a week to learn home economics. The other parent can take the other kids for a walk nearby or something, an ice cream cone at McDonalds, literally anything else that’s less stressful. [/quote]

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