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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A lot of abusers in this thread perfectly describing the abuser mindset and justification. If they lash out at their partner in any way it isn’t abuse because she or he did or didn’t do something that made them angry or frustrated and resentful and this led to them being unable to regulate their emotions so they took that anger or frustration or resentment out on their partner but it isn’t their fault and it isn’t abuse, because if he or she had just done or not done things to cause those emotions in the first place then they wouldn’t have had to have the dysregulated emotion taken out on them.[/quote]

I feel like you have been legitimately abused, but that doesn’t mean everyone on this thread has.

I have an equal partner. If we were at the grocery store, he would be with me or near me, sharing the list. The list we made together. The meals we brainstormed together. If I had a spouse like the pp’s, who goes off and leaves her with 3 kids and the actual list to manage, buys food for just himself, cooks it for just himself without making sure the little ones are fed, and then doesn’t clean up…that would drive me crazy.

If you think that the person who is doing all the shopping for the family and then cleaning up after the person who just fended for themselves and didn’t even clean up after themselves expecting someone else to do it…you think they are the victim?? Because the person carrying the physical and mental load doesn’t do it without being upset??? You need to re-examine your life. [/quote]

+1000. I definitely have the tendency to nitpick and I am truly working on that dynamic with DH but it is a 2 person dynamic. He has the tendency to stand by and watch me do things and I am completely exhausted with 2 under 4. We have had some huge arguments and I do think things are getting better but it's rough. Recently the baby pooped in the tub while DH was supervising their bath (and I was cleaning the kitchen after dinner before anyone starts 'at least he gives a bath...') and instead of doing literally anything, he yells for me and then stands there watching me and making panicked comments as i dealt with the entire situation by myself.... I totally snapped at him in front of the kids which obviously I shouldn't have but I'm like seriously??? Come on.[/quote]

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