Reply to My mom is like Kate Gosselin

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The resentment that builds up when the adult that is supposed to be your partner in all the work of life instead bumbles around like they're somehow incapable or not responsible for anything forcing you to take the leadership role in EVERY. SINGLE. THING. and manage them through it is real.  And results in things like regularly snapping at someone to do something because for the love of god you don't understand why they're not already doing something to help take care of everything / everyone

Obviously it's an unhealthy dynamic and I have no idea if your parent situation is this - but its a two person dynamic, not one person having a "personality disorder"

As an example my husband may join our 3 very young kids and me at the grocery store.  He wonders off without a care in the world while I'm managing the kids and shopping for everything we need for the week.  He may wonder back over with the ingredients for a meal he decided to cook for himself that afternoon that no one else likes and will take hours and leave the kitchen a mess.  So yes what someone else may see is me  snapping "can you just get the f'ing carrots and milk at least?!"

Again obviously not a health dynamic for anyone involved but also not just a me problem[/quote]

My mom is also awful to my father - and has been for 53 years! She would say the same thing as you that she “deserves” to yell and belittle him because he has been doing the same dumb stuff for decades and she can’t take it. 
Except there are two sides to everything and I can 100% vouch that she often yells and calls him dumb or an idiot for things that are her fault or are not actually wrong. She just immediately assumes that he messed up or she forgets that just because she thought it, doesn’t mean she said it out loud and we can’t read her mind. I have never once heard her acknowledge or apologize if she is wrong - or express appreciation or gratitude when someone manages to do something to her expectations.

My husband is not perfect - none of us are - but if I spoke to him the way my mom speaks to my dad he would stop listening to ever trying to do anything helpful. Why even try if you will get yelled anyway?

I feel sorry for your husband and if I was at the grocery store with you I would probably wander off to get away from you too. [/quote]

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