Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve known a LOT of men like this, including my H, my brother, and a couple ex-boyfriends.

I really think it all comes down to a lack of consequences. Someone is always there to save them, whether it’s a mom, girlfriend, or wife.

My H never did domestic work and I paid 75% of the bills, despite [b]making half what he did.[/b] One day I decided if I had to go another day living like that, I’d run my car off a bridge. So I stopped. Stopped cooking, cleaning, covering his half of bills.

He tried calling my bluff by pulling the same “I don’t have money for bills this month, sorry”. So I put all his gym equipment up for sale on FB and sold it all by the time he got home from work. Told him I’d keep selling his stuff if he can’t pay his share. When he protested I packed my stuff up and had my attorney draw up a custody arrangement. Also made a Google Sheets adding up the amount of free time and extra money I’d have if I moved out (it was a lot) and sent it to him.

Money hasn’t been an issue since. [b]He actually got a much higher paying job. I haven’t cleaned the house in over a year - he does it all. He cooks 4-5 nights a week.[/b]

It sucks, but you gotta treat these men the same way a boss would treat them. [b]If they can’t fulfill their job, they don’t get to stay there anymore. [/b]

That being said, I had to hit my own rock bottom. I really couldn’t stand the idea of 40 more years of that life. I have zero doubt I would have died if I had to spend my life caring for an adult man. [/quote]

WTF?  I know you think you’re some #girlboss but you are the useless one in this relationship.  It won’t be long before he realizes that not only are you a mean, bitter AH, but you no longer do jacksh!t at home AND he makes more than twice what you do.  I suspect you’re not going to be allowed to “stay there” much longer…[/quote]

I make the same as he does now, and I’m right now negotiating for a position where I’ll make 50% more than him.

Our domestic load is equal now. I don’t want to clean anymore so I don’t. Instead, I spend more time doing childcare. I take the kids out in the afternoons and evenings, he cleans and makes dinner.

I was bitter for a long time but we’re past it. Our relationship has gotten deeper because I don’t enable him anymore. We’ve had to rebuild something not based on me taking care of him. He fully admits that he was wrong and he works hard now to be a fully functioning partner. [/quote]

Ignore that poster, she was out of line and clearly doesn't get it. I'm impressed by you. You changed the whole dynamic of your family and he's better off too. And if you weren't at your limit, you may not have had the guts. What you have now is much healthier.

I'm glad you brought up that the OP has a choice to resent him or not. Your context explained it much better than I could have. It's one of those things that's by definition true but so hard to accept if that's all you know and have had modeled for you.[/quote]

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