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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - I feel like all the therapy hasn't done anything. When she starts to spiral she refuses to do any of the techniques that she has been taught.  When she talks calmly with her therapist she knows all the right things to say, how to do the techniques and her therapist always says she is doing great.

She is just such a moody, anxious child and [b]I know that my reaction makes it worse but there is just so much I can take before I lose it.[/b]  It makes me hate being a parent. [/quote]

I have a similar child and I have really benefitted from getting my own therapy and taking parenting classes (I did Parent-Child Journey and would reocommend though also look at PEP and other resources -- they all have a lot of the same content). Also the book The Explosive Child is a good resource.

I don't have a ton of time to post now so won't go into more detail but 3 quick takeaways:

1) The techniques generally focus on addressing your own anxiety and stressors that lead to you "losing it" when faced with these challenges. Addressing those are helpful regardless of what is going on with your kid. I had (and still have) serious self-esteem issues from my own bad childhood (with parents who were extremely reactive and also being a highly sensitive kid much like my DD) and I learned that when I was losing it with her it was often stemming from fears and patterns from my own childhood I had to work through. Talking through that stuff has helped me be more empathetic with my kid and ALSO with myself which means that while I still get frustrated and exhausted this doesn't always lead to getting mad and losing my temper.

2) The more my kid sees me responding calmly and not losing my temper over her behavior the better she seems to do. The meltdowns still happen but tend to be shorter lived and I do see her using the strategies she's learned in therapy more. I think seeing me control my own temper and frustration in productive ways is helping her see it's possible -- we don't spiral anymore even when we have very hard days.

3) One of the best things I did was start prioritizing physical exercise for myself. This is hard -- I work and have a spouse with a high highly demanding job that means I solo parent a lot of the week. But daily intense exercise was a game changer for me. It's also led me to prioritizing physical activity for my kid and while I don't think it's been quite as revolutionary for her as it has for me I do see improvement on the margins. I just can't recommend the benefits to these dynamics of just truly rigorous exercise on a daily or near daily basis enough. The mind-body connection is real and something about this exercise makes everything else easier.

Good luck. I have more thoughts on this and will check back on this thread when I have a chance. All I can say now is that I have been there and it's hard but it WILL get better. Take care of yourself.[/quote]

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