Reply to How to disclose past sexual abuse to adult siblings

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[quote=Anonymous]OP I was in a similar boat but it wasn’t my dad, it was a close family friend who lived with us. I carried it with me into my 40s without telling anyone, because at the time of the abuse (I was 7), this person told me that if I told, I’d break up the family (my parents were always fighting and I was terrified they’d get divorced). So as a kid, I kept it a secret to be strong for my family. I also felt like telling would hurt the feelings of my parents / siblings (ie, make them sad) and no kid wants to make their family sad.

But it has certainly affected me and one day in my 40s, I was really going through some stuff and I just let it out to my parents and siblings. It was really cathartic, because for me, I was never sure if they knew. They absolutely should’ve known. When the abuse started, I withdrew. I didn’t want to be around this person. Also my parents gave this person lots of opportunities to be alone with me. So I always wondered if everyone knew and we just didn’t talk about it?

Anyways, my siblings were very supportive. It was very helpful. My mother has issues and her response was not helpful, but was expected. (Her response was that since I never told as a child, she couldn’t be held responsible and it was my fault it continued as long as it did).

So as someone who “came clean” decades later, in my experience it was helpful to tell, but not life changing or anything. My mothers response was hurtful but expected so it didn’t bother me too much. Just reminded me that she is unwell in many ways. [/quote]

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