Reply to Is couples therapy a sham for some ?

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Reply to "Is couples therapy a sham for some ?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]couples therapy is usually about one partner having an expectation that the other one just needs to understand and they will do so if they just listen better. It's not about actually finding compromises and mediating differences. [/quote]

Then what happens? The belligerent bad actor one doesn’t listen or respond and just railroads over everything with their own narrative and victim view? [/quote]

the one who thinks the other one just "needs to be fixed" either learns that (s)he is the one who needs fixing, or that you can't fix other people.

Every argument my wife and I had for many years, for instance, came down to her believing that I just needed to be told/explained in a different way, and then the problem will be solved. Her first assumption was almost never that maybe SHE needed to change something. Of course I'm not saying I didn't/don't need to change things, but I do change them when told to/asked to, etc.  For a long time, she thought if we went to therapy, this smart third-person could tell her dipshit husband (me) that he was wrong, and make him understand, and it turns out the over-priced dimwit therapist just told DW that, actually, sometimes people are different, and that's okay, and that if everyone compromises (not just exclusively your dipshit husband) your problems will go away. And they did. But, I also knew all of that, and 15 minutes of thinking about the problem seriously, could've saved us a lot of money. But it helped my wife to hear it from someone who cost a lot of money and didn't appear to be qualified enough to be a dance teacher or SAHM.

Either way, think hard about yourself first, and then, with the awareness that you can only change yourself and not others, decide whether you want to waste money. [/quote]

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