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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thank you to everyone who replied and showed compassion and empathy and I am sorry others are in similar circumstances. It's a horrible disease that takes everything you have and comes back for more.

The good news is that my sister and I are in total agreement in regards to our parents. I know being at odds with siblings can make things 1000 times worse and thankfully, that's not our situation.

When I tell you our mother has come up with every excuse possible, I'm not exaggerating.  We've flown down to be with our father while she gets a few days' of respite, and now she no longer will do that or entertain the possibility of hiring any sort of in-home help, even if it's for a few hours only. She says the rage that he takes out on her after isn't worth it. And to be fair, he does scream at her with his eyes bulging that it's not fair that she gets to live her life while he doesn't  and how she wants half his money and for him to die.  Her life is a living hell, too, not just his.

We go back and forth between respecting that we aren't his wife, that she is, and that she gets to make decisions for him, even if we totally disagree...and then saying the stress of this is making her not think straight and he'll take her down with him- what can we do to help her??

I've emailed her priest to ask him to please persuade her to get some help for herself (priest blew me off). We're setting up an appt with a dementia caregiver advocate, which is a victory in and of itself, as she refused for 2 years to meet with this person.

We don't want their money, as has been implied.  I'm grateful they have money as they can use to make their last years more comfortable.  I mentioned the money or a lawsuit as a possibility of scaring her into helping or even just wondering what troubles we/she could face.

Thanks for some concrete ideas that have been given.[/quote]

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