Reply to Spouse criminal or civil liability for Alzheimer's patient

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Unfortunately it will likely take a crisis to shift things. Because your mother can’t actually care for him alone (nobody can!), he will eventually wander out of the house when she is in the bathroom or taking something out of the oven, or he will have a fall that requires hospitalization and it *may* force the issue. But since she is his decision-maker (and he may have some decision-making capacity too, despite the dementia), there is really nothing you can do. I work in a hospital and there are countless instances where a patient’s spouse decides to take the patient home while their adult kids are adamant that it’s unsafe, mom can’t take care of dad, etc. But there’s nothing we can do - if the patient/their spouse has the capacity to make decisions, the kids have no say.

Oftentimes a patient will fall or physically decline for whatever reason and can no longer walk, and that’s when it’s abundantly clear that the spouse cannot manage the patient’s care at home; only then is a change forced. But with dementia patients who still have mobility/can wander, their options for placement will be more limited. Ideally she would agree to an assisted living with memory care before a crisis occurs, but it sounds like that’s an uphill battle.

What kind of accident could he cause? He’s not driving, is he? If he is, an anonymous call to APS might be warranted (they get these calls frequently and they’ll at least be able to guide you). Also, the Alzheimer’s Association has a 24 hour hotline that addresses these kinds of concerns (as awful as the situation is, they get a billion calls about just the same thing; your family is nowhere near alone.

PP here who mentioned that they may need to hit rock bottom...the situation described above is almost identical to what happened in our family. I understand your fear of accidents. Child proof the house, locks on upper part of the doors, chimes, knobs so he can't turn on the stove top, hide the knives and god forbid firearms if they exist. If your mom won't agree to rational solutions, force the bare minimum. It will feel futile but there's only so much you can do. Again, I'm sorry OP, I know how much this truly sucks and I know the toll it can take on everyone. Between taking care of my own babies and constantly being in crisis mode with my parents, I'm shocked I never had a nervous breakdown tbh.

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