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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have ADHD and my kid does too and I often have the thought that maybe none of this is actually "neurodiversity" but just that society is set up for a certain type of brain and everyone else either struggles or needs outside assistance to cope. Like I know ADHD is real, I have experienced it, but sometimes I question whether it's actually a divergence from "typical" neurology or if actually it's fairly typical but just not optimal for a society structured the ways ours is.

I also think it's highly likely that my dad and my DH have undiagnosed ADHD but I think especially with my dad it looks different because he had a SAHM who ran his life for most of his working years so he looked brilliant and high functioning but if he'd had to pay his bills and dress himself and feed himself and take care of his kids and god forbid learn how to use email and text and remember 700 passwords he would have absolutely lost it

Just a thought[/quote]

I think you’re right about all of this. Definitely applies to low support needs autism too. I’m a lawyer, and A LOT of my law school class would get an autism diagnosis if we took an assessment, I’m certain. But black and white thinking works out ok as a lawyer, and you can get away with having subpar social skills when everyone blames it on you being super smart (I went to Yale Law). It all depends on context.[/quote]

Oh come on. People who make it to Yale Law, with some very few exceptions, do not actually have developmental disorders that seriously impact their ability to learn or socialize. The ones who do actually have ADHD or autism visibly struggle - drop out; get kicked out; or are the one kid who mysteriously cannot get a job. Being awkward and rude doesn’t mean you are autistic. Possibly they would nevertheless get a diagnosis today - but for those of us who actually have 2e kids whose behaviors and challenges mean they would never be accepted to a mainstream private, it’s extremely grating to hear these kinds of claims. (And yes, we have worked with private school admissions consultants who have told us this, so we know.)[/quote]

Sorry this breaks your worldview.  I got straight As in two of the hardest majors at MIT and have a PhD from another top school in a hard core technical discipline.  The ability to hyperfocus on one thing was helpful for hard teck problems and math was so easy I didn't spend much tiem on it before college.  My social skills are also not the best.  I can get by fine but it is not an advantage.  I have serious ADHD and now have meds, a coach and other things.  The reality is that different brains work well in different contexts.  We have so little flexibility in school now that kids are finding it harder to adjust (I used to read and ignore a lot of lessons that were boring, or doodle.  In high school I skipped school a huge amount.)

Having been to these places I can tell you a huge number of people who are at the edge of talent have a lot of other unusual traits, and massive amounts of executive dysfunction. There was tons of depression and anxiety, too, of course. ASD is rampant at these places too. I have been to a big 3 private and they were always diverse in terms of physical disabilities and embracing kids with learning disabilities.

I agree 100% with the previous poster.  In a world where I didn't need to answer 100 emails a day , fill out 20 doodles just to have a meeting and you didn't have to fill out 20 compliance forms, i would be fine.  My job involves massive amounts of paperwork I am completely unsuited to and can't naturally do.  But I can be a professor/researcher who just does the core parts of my job. I'm still the right person for the  job because I extraordinary at the core tasks, but I've had to decide I have a disability and get medicated to get the other parts right.   In the past, this wasn't needed. People who had my job didn't also used to have to plan all their kids' lives and complex home lives.  They (I'm a professor) had a nice wife who typed their papers, fed their kids and traveled with them to conferences.  No such luck here, especially since I am a straight woman.

I will admit that richer parents can get their kids now more exams and more help than others.  But simplifying it to extra test time and adderall is really simplifying.  You don't also count the executive function tutors, psychologists, private athletic and music lessons that teach discipline, therapy and meds before things are bad, cosmetic surgery to improve self-esteem, extra "enrichment" experiences starting from toddlerhood, premium braces to have lovely teeth.  No one is buying their kids extra time in school, but life is now so demanding and competitive that parents are looking at all sorts of ways to help their kids.  They get them evaluated at the slightest challenge because they worry and then follow all the advice of the experts because they see it as medical.  It is absolutely there, but imagining  that they are  "buying" performance or even doing this intentionally is crap.

And..the reality is school is now hell for the ADHD type.  Private is a bit better because it is more organized and there is more attention for the individual. I got through the paper worksheets and typing essays on the computer fine.  Now students have cell phones, 3 different online platforms for homework, 5 different websites often in a single class, group projects involving online collaboration and more.   If I were in elementary school now,  I would absolutely be on meds and be a mediocre student most likely.[/quote]

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