Anonymous
06/04/2024 21:54
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.
I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...
It's not half the population. It's half the population of your school. Which was probably chosen by parents for those particular children as a place that will be suitable for neurodiverse kids.
This. Some people put their kids in private because they’re ultra wealthy and can afford it without blinking an eye. Others put their kids in private besides they have needs that are beyond what a less resourced public school could give them.
Where tf is this narrative that the DC elite privates are actually 2e schools coming from? As the mom of an actually 2e kid who *wouldn’t even be admitted to Lab*, please, tell me more. We have the money.
Do you think people are shelling out 40k per year per kid for smaller class sizes because their kids are thriving in a public school environment ?
Anonymous
06/04/2024 21:53
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and my kid does too and I often have the thought that maybe none of this is actually "neurodiversity" but just that society is set up for a certain type of brain and everyone else either struggles or needs outside assistance to cope. Like I know ADHD is real, I have experienced it, but sometimes I question whether it's actually a divergence from "typical" neurology or if actually it's fairly typical but just not optimal for a society structured the ways ours is.
I also think it's highly likely that my dad and my DH have undiagnosed ADHD but I think especially with my dad it looks different because he had a SAHM who ran his life for most of his working years so he looked brilliant and high functioning but if he'd had to pay his bills and dress himself and feed himself and take care of his kids and god forbid learn how to use email and text and remember 700 passwords he would have absolutely lost it
Just a thought
I agree with you. We are overwhelmed by the complexity of the culture we've built for ourselves.
I have studied my genealogy and I believe my intense attachment to things was probably adaptive in an era when people couldn't just go to the store or buy more stuff from Amazon. I'm messy, not a hoarder, but I just like stuff and my house is very cluttered and disorganized.
I tried commenting along these lines on another thread and got called pretentious and told I have no idea what ADHD is like. But it seems common for posters on this board to assert that people have it and I think some might say my husband and I are ND.
Anonymous
06/04/2024 21:38
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Funny we are at a mainstream private and I feel like my DC is one of the only few in their class. Sigh. YMMV.
How old is your DC OP?
How old is your DC OP?
Anonymous
06/04/2024 21:36
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wondering how old your kid is, OP?
My three are currently at a mainstream private school - fairly competitive and progressive. My oldest has three diagnoses, my middle has 2, and my youngest has 2. We moved after K for my oldest where DC was not doing well, and I thought a smaller class size would help.
A smaller class size did help, as did finding out the right diagnoses and medication, tutoring, therapy, OT, and social skills classes.
I know lots of kids with diagnoses at our school, in part because I am open about my kids having them and parents ask me questions. For my oldest child, I know with with diagnoses including ADHD, anxiety, ASD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. I think about 1/3 of the class gets extended time on tests. For my youngest, she is the only one I know of with a diagnosis, although I am sure that will change with time.
Most independent school families have money and aren’t stressing about paying for a nueropsych or therapy. As soon as I noticed DC1 wasn’t learning to read as expected, I signed them up to get tested - I wanted the results so I could start lining up the supports/therapies/appointments. I need to diagnosis to guide what I need to do to support my kids, I don’t really care about the extra time part of it.
+1 we can't afford private school but are fortunate to have good OON benefits, which has made it easier for us to get the neuropsych and therapies. I can see how an ignorant, unkind person might assume we just "bought" a diagnosis, but literally the only thing it has gotten us is information on how best to support DC privately. No school accommodations, no IEP services. Might do medication later if necessary, but it's not right now.
yes tell me more about all the kids with intense SN but no IEP …
Who said anything about "intense SN"? Nobody on this thread is talking about profound or severe disabilities.
I won't share DC's story here but it definitely could have gone differently. DC does not have an IEP in large part because of the private supports we are lucky to be able to access. And the diagnosis helps us to know what those are. Sorry that undermines your narrative.
Anonymous
06/04/2024 21:25
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.
I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...
BS DXs.
Anonymous
06/04/2024 21:22
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wondering how old your kid is, OP?
My three are currently at a mainstream private school - fairly competitive and progressive. My oldest has three diagnoses, my middle has 2, and my youngest has 2. We moved after K for my oldest where DC was not doing well, and I thought a smaller class size would help.
A smaller class size did help, as did finding out the right diagnoses and medication, tutoring, therapy, OT, and social skills classes.
I know lots of kids with diagnoses at our school, in part because I am open about my kids having them and parents ask me questions. For my oldest child, I know with with diagnoses including ADHD, anxiety, ASD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. I think about 1/3 of the class gets extended time on tests. For my youngest, she is the only one I know of with a diagnosis, although I am sure that will change with time.
Most independent school families have money and aren’t stressing about paying for a nueropsych or therapy. As soon as I noticed DC1 wasn’t learning to read as expected, I signed them up to get tested - I wanted the results so I could start lining up the supports/therapies/appointments. I need to diagnosis to guide what I need to do to support my kids, I don’t really care about the extra time part of it.
+1 we can't afford private school but are fortunate to have good OON benefits, which has made it easier for us to get the neuropsych and therapies. I can see how an ignorant, unkind person might assume we just "bought" a diagnosis, but literally the only thing it has gotten us is information on how best to support DC privately. No school accommodations, no IEP services. Might do medication later if necessary, but it's not right now.
yes tell me more about all the kids with intense SN but no IEP …
Anonymous
06/04/2024 21:18
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Wondering how old your kid is, OP?
My three are currently at a mainstream private school - fairly competitive and progressive. My oldest has three diagnoses, my middle has 2, and my youngest has 2. We moved after K for my oldest where DC was not doing well, and I thought a smaller class size would help.
A smaller class size did help, as did finding out the right diagnoses and medication, tutoring, therapy, OT, and social skills classes.
I know lots of kids with diagnoses at our school, in part because I am open about my kids having them and parents ask me questions. For my oldest child, I know with with diagnoses including ADHD, anxiety, ASD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. I think about 1/3 of the class gets extended time on tests. For my youngest, she is the only one I know of with a diagnosis, although I am sure that will change with time.
Most independent school families have money and aren’t stressing about paying for a nueropsych or therapy. As soon as I noticed DC1 wasn’t learning to read as expected, I signed them up to get tested - I wanted the results so I could start lining up the supports/therapies/appointments. I need to diagnosis to guide what I need to do to support my kids, I don’t really care about the extra time part of it.
+1 we can't afford private school but are fortunate to have good OON benefits, which has made it easier for us to get the neuropsych and therapies. I can see how an ignorant, unkind person might assume we just "bought" a diagnosis, but literally the only thing it has gotten us is information on how best to support DC privately. No school accommodations, no IEP services. Might do medication later if necessary, but it's not right now.
Anonymous
06/04/2024 21:03
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Wondering how old your kid is, OP?
My three are currently at a mainstream private school - fairly competitive and progressive. My oldest has three diagnoses, my middle has 2, and my youngest has 2. We moved after K for my oldest where DC was not doing well, and I thought a smaller class size would help.
A smaller class size did help, as did finding out the right diagnoses and medication, tutoring, therapy, OT, and social skills classes.
I know lots of kids with diagnoses at our school, in part because I am open about my kids having them and parents ask me questions. For my oldest child, I know with with diagnoses including ADHD, anxiety, ASD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. I think about 1/3 of the class gets extended time on tests. For my youngest, she is the only one I know of with a diagnosis, although I am sure that will change with time.
Most independent school families have money and aren’t stressing about paying for a nueropsych or therapy. As soon as I noticed DC1 wasn’t learning to read as expected, I signed them up to get tested - I wanted the results so I could start lining up the supports/therapies/appointments. I need to diagnosis to guide what I need to do to support my kids, I don’t really care about the extra time part of it.
My three are currently at a mainstream private school - fairly competitive and progressive. My oldest has three diagnoses, my middle has 2, and my youngest has 2. We moved after K for my oldest where DC was not doing well, and I thought a smaller class size would help.
A smaller class size did help, as did finding out the right diagnoses and medication, tutoring, therapy, OT, and social skills classes.
I know lots of kids with diagnoses at our school, in part because I am open about my kids having them and parents ask me questions. For my oldest child, I know with with diagnoses including ADHD, anxiety, ASD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. I think about 1/3 of the class gets extended time on tests. For my youngest, she is the only one I know of with a diagnosis, although I am sure that will change with time.
Most independent school families have money and aren’t stressing about paying for a nueropsych or therapy. As soon as I noticed DC1 wasn’t learning to read as expected, I signed them up to get tested - I wanted the results so I could start lining up the supports/therapies/appointments. I need to diagnosis to guide what I need to do to support my kids, I don’t really care about the extra time part of it.
Anonymous
06/04/2024 20:50
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.
I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...
2 words: Long COVID. [/quote
I was waiting for someone to bring that up.
DP
Eh I am sure there are examples of kids that developed ADHD symptoms after COVID, but I doubt that is the main cause. I think virtual schooling made some issues more visible leading more diagnoses. I also think there is more awareness leading to more diagnoses. My 5 yo has "subtle" ASD that was diagnosed this year. Looking back, DC has definitely always been neurodiverse, we just didn't understand what it was. Started struggling long before the first bout of COVID.
Anonymous
06/04/2024 20:49
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.
I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...
It's not half the population. It's half the population of your school. Which was probably chosen by parents for those particular children as a place that will be suitable for neurodiverse kids.
This. Some people put their kids in private because they’re ultra wealthy and can afford it without blinking an eye. Others put their kids in private besides they have needs that are beyond what a less resourced public school could give them.
Where tf is this narrative that the DC elite privates are actually 2e schools coming from? As the mom of an actually 2e kid who *wouldn’t even be admitted to Lab*, please, tell me more. We have the money.
Anonymous
06/04/2024 20:15
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.
I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...
2 words: Long COVID. [/quote
I was waiting for someone to bring that up.
Anonymous
06/04/2024 20:03
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.
I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...
2 words: Long COVID.
Anonymous
06/04/2024 17:50
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.
I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...
It's not half the population. It's half the population of your school. Which was probably chosen by parents for those particular children as a place that will be suitable for neurodiverse kids.
This. Some people put their kids in private because they’re ultra wealthy and can afford it without blinking an eye. Others put their kids in private besides they have needs that are beyond what a less resourced public school could give them.
Anonymous
06/04/2024 17:50
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Data from a meeting with had with the head of school.
I say this for 2 reasons:
1. mainstreams privates do have neurodiverse kids.
2. It is CRAZY how many kids get dx now. Kids on so many meds. I know it's necessary for the most part (certainly for mine). But is it really a neurodiversity if half the population has it? Idk exactly what my thought is but would love to hear others thoughts...
It's not half the population. It's half the population of your school. Which was probably chosen by parents for those particular children as a place that will be suitable for neurodiverse kids.
This is very typical at mainstream privates even the prestigious ones. Niece with ADHD is at a Big 3 and many others we know in the community have some kind of special needs. The school is divided up into three main groups which are the really wealthy kids who are lifers. Most are NT. Some are high achievers and some are not. The more upper middle class families have kids with some kind of social or academic challenge. They are usually really smart so they compensate but have had issues at the big public making friends or need smaller classes to focus better. These families are usually full pay. There's a third group of really high achievers who come in later, usually high school, and they are usually brought in to bring up the college admissions stats. They are usually sure bets for a top 20-30.
Parent of a high-achieving student who started at a big 3 in 9th grade here, and this comment has some serious explanatory power. I’m going to be thinking about it for a while. I was gobsmacked by the number of students who get extra time—and I come from teaching at a selective university where over 25% of the student body has some form of accommodations, it’s not like I was unfamiliar with the situation.
I don’t think there’s a real contradiction between “smart but had issues at big public” and parents looking for extra time, medication, diagnoses for a performance edge. Maybe the problems were socialization. Maybe the problems were test scores below what was hoped for. You know, problems. Let’s fix them with the tools we have access to, including money and diagnoses.
Anonymous
06/04/2024 17:48
Subject: Nearly half the kids in my kids private have a diagnosis
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have ADHD and my kid does too and I often have the thought that maybe none of this is actually "neurodiversity" but just that society is set up for a certain type of brain and everyone else either struggles or needs outside assistance to cope. Like I know ADHD is real, I have experienced it, but sometimes I question whether it's actually a divergence from "typical" neurology or if actually it's fairly typical but just not optimal for a society structured the ways ours is.
I also think it's highly likely that my dad and my DH have undiagnosed ADHD but I think especially with my dad it looks different because he had a SAHM who ran his life for most of his working years so he looked brilliant and high functioning but if he'd had to pay his bills and dress himself and feed himself and take care of his kids and god forbid learn how to use email and text and remember 700 passwords he would have absolutely lost it
Just a thought
I think you’re right about all of this. Definitely applies to low support needs autism too. I’m a lawyer, and A LOT of my law school class would get an autism diagnosis if we took an assessment, I’m certain. But black and white thinking works out ok as a lawyer, and you can get away with having subpar social skills when everyone blames it on you being super smart (I went to Yale Law). It all depends on context.
Oh come on. People who make it to Yale Law, with some very few exceptions, do not actually have developmental disorders that seriously impact their ability to learn or socialize. The ones who do actually have ADHD or autism visibly struggle - drop out; get kicked out; or are the one kid who mysteriously cannot get a job. Being awkward and rude doesn’t mean you are autistic. Possibly they would nevertheless get a diagnosis today - but for those of us who actually have 2e kids whose behaviors and challenges mean they would never be accepted to a mainstream private, it’s extremely grating to hear these kinds of claims. (And yes, we have worked with private school admissions consultants who have told us this, so we know.)
Sorry this breaks your worldview. I got straight As in two of the hardest majors at MIT and have a PhD from another top school in a hard core technical discipline. The ability to hyperfocus on one thing was helpful for hard teck problems and math was so easy I didn't spend much tiem on it before college. My social skills are also not the best. I can get by fine but it is not an advantage. I have serious ADHD and now have meds, a coach and other things. The reality is that different brains work well in different contexts. We have so little flexibility in school now that kids are finding it harder to adjust (I used to read and ignore a lot of lessons that were boring, or doodle. In high school I skipped school a huge amount.)
Having been to these places I can tell you a huge number of people who are at the edge of talent have a lot of other unusual traits, and massive amounts of executive dysfunction. There was tons of depression and anxiety, too, of course. ASD is rampant at these places too. I have been to a big 3 private and they were always diverse in terms of physical disabilities and embracing kids with learning disabilities.
I agree 100% with the previous poster. In a world where I didn't need to answer 100 emails a day , fill out 20 doodles just to have a meeting and you didn't have to fill out 20 compliance forms, i would be fine. My job involves massive amounts of paperwork I am completely unsuited to and can't naturally do. But I can be a professor/researcher who just does the core parts of my job. I'm still the right person for the job because I extraordinary at the core tasks, but I've had to decide I have a disability and get medicated to get the other parts right. In the past, this wasn't needed. People who had my job didn't also used to have to plan all their kids' lives and complex home lives. They (I'm a professor) had a nice wife who typed their papers, fed their kids and traveled with them to conferences. No such luck here, especially since I am a straight woman.
I will admit that richer parents can get their kids now more exams and more help than others. But simplifying it to extra test time and adderall is really simplifying. You don't also count the executive function tutors, psychologists, private athletic and music lessons that teach discipline, therapy and meds before things are bad, cosmetic surgery to improve self-esteem, extra "enrichment" experiences starting from toddlerhood, premium braces to have lovely teeth. No one is buying their kids extra time in school, but life is now so demanding and competitive that parents are looking at all sorts of ways to help their kids. They get them evaluated at the slightest challenge because they worry and then follow all the advice of the experts because they see it as medical. It is absolutely there, but imagining that they are "buying" performance or even doing this intentionally is crap.
And..the reality is school is now hell for the ADHD type. Private is a bit better because it is more organized and there is more attention for the individual. I got through the paper worksheets and typing essays on the computer fine. Now students have cell phones, 3 different online platforms for homework, 5 different websites often in a single class, group projects involving online collaboration and more. If I were in elementary school now, I would absolutely be on meds and be a mediocre student most likely.