Reply to I feel like my dc might have anxious attachment issues and I can't work out what I did wrong.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How old and what are the behaviors that she is exhibiting?[/quote]

10. [b]emotional reactivity, irritability and low distress tolerance. Poor emotional regulation[/b]. this has been the case for a long time and the reason i would not move it to the sn board is that i think when you have a kid with sn (in our case adhd with some 'pieces' of asd like inflexibility) people tend to attribute 'everything' to that, but there are absolutely some aspects that I think are really maybe personality/ nurture based. so am curious about others experiences. [/quote]

NP.  These are basically the definition of ADHD and/or ASD (that is why they can occur together or be difficult to separate).  This is not about parenting, it's who they are.  You may need to be more explicit in your parenting so they will be able to recognize your love for them - but other than by your genes, you didn't cause this.

Remember that children with ADHD or ASD are approximately 3 years delayed in maturity.  IOW, time will help with a lot of this but it will take longer than for NT kids.  He will mature and grow and get better at all of this but will probably always be reactive and emotional - and that's okay!  Not everyone needs to be phlegmatic.  There's room for everyone in this world.  [/quote]

This is why OP should ask her thread to be moved to SN forum. That she is resistant to doing so and wants to self blame and ruminate is odd.

OP, you need a team who are familiar with the diagnoses and perhaps to acknowledge they may apply to you in some respects, too. Be proactive to educate yourself, treat yourself and parent the kids you have in the ways they need. No one can change the past and your response of anxiety and passivity and refusal to acknowledge the realities of neurodiversity are patterns to consider changing. [/quote]

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