Reply to How to be married to an extreme avoidant?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here’s the thing — he is probably lying to himself and much as you. But that doesn’t really matter. Maybe he has a litany of diagnoses, but he isn’t going to get help. So, you have to decide how to make a life in which you cannot trust a word that comes out of his mouth. Nothing you do or say will change this — he isn’t going to tell the truth or discuss anything “hard.” And he perceives many things as “hard” that most people would consider no big deal.

I can tell you that growing up with a parent that lies about everything is pretty damaging. Personally, I wish my mom had divorced. But the reality is that I cannot go back and see what both outcomes would have looked like and compare them. Perhaps her staying was the better choice. I do think at some point at some age, you have to acknowledge to your kids that dad is a liar when they notice it. If not, you are just doing the exact same thing to them.

This is hard. And I do think you finding an individual therapist to bounce all of this off of might be useful.[/quote]

Let me add. I would also start operating by assuming I will be divorced in the next 2-5 years. At some point, you will probably leave. So get your finances in a row, keep your job, don’t move to a bigger house, etc.[/quote]

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