Reply to How to politely shut down super-privileged boomer parents' complaints?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How to politely shut down super-privileged boomer parents' complaints?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why do you spend time with these people? Are you hoping for an inheritance?[/quote]

OP here: Partly, yes, and you can judge all you want, but we will likely end up with a life-changing amount of money from them in roughly two decades, one that would allow us to be generous with family/friends/community in ways they are not and we can't afford to be. Out of the three siblings, I'm the only one who has put meaningful effort into building a great relationship with my stepmother.

The non-monetary part is that spouse and I barely have family to speak of - spouse has some who went headfirst down the right wing conspiracy rabbit hole and some who are kind of loony and not involved; my siblings are deeply self-absorbed and our relationships are very one-sided; my mother passed away. My parents suck in many ways, but they like our kids, babysit for a couple hours once in a blue moon, and I'm hoping that as our kids get older my parents can be somewhat supportive bonus adults in their lives, particularly my stepmother, who can exhibit surprising moments of thoughtfulness and caring.[/quote]

You are setting yourself up for disappointment.   They don't see you and never will.  If your stepmother has children expect the money to go there.  Of not, expect it to go to charity.

Both your and your husband's families sound dysfunctional and you both are carrying that dysfunctional torch for your kids.  You have the power to change this.

Never expect money from anyone.  If you need more money, make more money.  My family is wealthy and my dad keeps telling me everything is mine.  I count on them living forever in a fantastic assisted living facility that drains all their money.  It's their money, not mine until it's in my bank account.[/quote]

I'm making *zero* financial assumptions in my life about an inheritance.[b] I have been told by them, in very vague terms, that we will get quite a lot;[/b] I see this as a potential future bonus and not at all something to bet on. We do not need more money, though of course it would be nice - as I said, we are doing fine, and have built up our savings/investments thanks to decades of thoughtful spending habits. I don't want to burn this bridge not because I need or am banking on their money - I want my kids to have somewhat involved grandparents. Again, my kids like them and they like my kids; we live close enough now and my kids are old enough now that grandparenting is less effort and they and the kids enjoy spending time together.[/quote]

They are stringing you along. They are not generous now and will become even more frugal and irrational about money as they age.

I think you are lying to yourself when you say you are making zero assumptions about an inheritance. You believe them and that's a major pillar for your relationship. I think you'll feel extremely angry at the end when this plays out as most of us predict it will. [/quote]

Agree. OP refers to herself as the favored child "by far". So even if it does work out for you inheritance-wise I think you're thinking your siblings would be cut out. That will create a hellish situation in itself. And, if your siblings end up in a better position than OP to provide care and support when Dad and stepmom are old, that sibling will end up with the inheritance. I really don't believe that OP isn't counting on the inheritance and the sooner she acknowledges it the better off she'll be. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics