Reply to Struggling getting 4 year old to cooperate

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One thing I've learned with my four-year-old is that it's easier to set the conditions for good behavior than to punish bad behavior.

When it comes to bath, getting dressed, getting in the car seat, etc., she wants to feel in control. Obviously she shouldn't be in control of these decisions, but when I give her the illusion of control she complies way better. So for example, I might ask whether she wants to have a disco bath (put the disco ball in the bathroom and listen to the Bee Gees during her bath) or a plain bath. Or I'll challenge her to see whether she can get in the bath before I count to ten (she has the choice about whether she gets in right now, or 8 seconds from now). Or (with clothes) I'll have her compete with her brother to see who can get dressed first (she always "wins" because he's a baby, and obviously he couldn't care less). It's not perfect, but it sure works a lot better than trying to punish her and turning bathtime into a war of the wills. [/quote]

I’m the M&Ms poster. My kid sees right through these tactics. It’s the old “choices” tactic from gentle parenting. I’m amazed this actually works for any kids. [/quote]

It does work, but they have to know the main thing is non-negotiable. The choice is just an optional control lifeline. It’s not for convincing them to do the thing, it’s just like a control frustration off ramp. They don’t take it every time. [/quote]

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