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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We created a spreadsheet with how much we have saved and the cost of tuition/room/board at each school - and the gap between the two. We can float about an additional 5-7k/year (we have twins) but anything above that has to come from merit/loans. We were very clear, we didn't want them to graduate from undergrad with $$$$$ loans.

In the end, they selected an instate school that wasn't their #1, but I think they will be happy/fine. I think they would have loved their #1 (didn't go for a visit after they didn't give them any merit.)[/quote]

We did this too - told them how much we could afford between 529 and cash flow, and that we would not allow them to go into debt for undergrad.  And, left it up to them.  One is AR an OOS flagship with merit, and one is at a SLAC with merit[/quote]
+1 yep. We told DC#1 to create a spreadsheet with the cost and app deadlines and acceptance notifications.  DC#1 is level headed about finances.

We've told DC#2 to do the same with the spreadsheets. However, DC #2 is like OP's DC, including the anxiety and depression.

DC seems to think they will be fine far away.  They said they wanted to go as far from me as possible because I nag them too much. I nag them about preparing for college (now a sophomore), studying for their APs, and keeping their room tidy. I don't expect top tier, or straight As, but I expect them to try their best.  Still, that's too much because of their anxiety.  DC has panic attacks off and on, and they come seeking me out in the middle of the night.  When I ask DC about their panic attacks and living far from home, they seem to think they'll be fine.

I've told DC many times how much OOS and privates costs.

They are delusional.  They seem to think they will be getting merit aid with their not so top scores and grades.  They took a practice PSAT and got like 1200 or something.   They took two AP tests last year and got a 2 and 3.  I've offered to pay for tutoring, but they are adamant that they can do it on their own.

I'm at a loss on how to bring DC down from their delusions.   We've had a few arguments about studying for their AP tests coming up.  My spouse thinks we should just let them fail, but I think college is too important to let them fail.

And yes, DC is in therapy.  I don't think it's helping.[/quote]

AP courses are meaningless for this cohort. She doesn't need them. [/quote]
I don't think that's true.  SAT may be meaningless, but not APs. Plus, they want to knock out credits and do a double major.

They have terrible study habits, in part due to their anxiety, but they seem to think they can do a double major, all while living far away, which means they may not be able to come home for breaks as often.  We've told them that several times.

Maybe it's immaturity, but I'm really at a loss on how to deal with this DC.

DC knows how much college costs, and they know we have enough for in state, but they seem to think they can get merit aid with their not so top grades and terrible study habits.[/quote]

Your DC is a sophomore in high school and already knows they want to double major while in college? I find this hard to believe. Why are you bringing up college choices and discussing living far away from home when kid is only age 15? No wonder they are having panic attacks that wake them up in the middle of the night. You need to really relax and ease up on your kid. [/quote]
The panic attacks started way before 15, and way before any type of college discussions.  It started in ES.

Yes, we are discussing college now because they need to understand that in order to get into x type of school you need y type of grades.  They started taking AP classes/exams starting freshman year.

Have you been through college admissions? I have with DC#1 in college now. College admissions these days is crazy.  Like I said, I'm not pushing for top tier. DC#1 is at our state flagship, and I'm happy with that. I'd love for DC#2 to go the state flagship, but they want further away, which is more costly and more difficult for them and us in many ways.

Yes, they already know they want to double major. Not sure why you think it's hard to believe that. They know what they want to do. Sure, they can change their mind by senior year, and I'd be fine with that, too.  But, the reality is that  in order to get into an oos college, they'll need merit aid, which they won't get with their grades.

They are the one who brought up living far away from home, not me.  I told them even if they get into a college close to home, they don't have to come home or see me often.  But, it's a lot easier being closer to home than being further away.  They are still pushing for oos.
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