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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Best friend hates my boyfriend "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My best friend doesn’t like my boyfriend and it’s really getting to me. Her little comments and digs are driving me crazy. She’s a very close friend, and I want to keep the friendship, but I feel like she is not being a good friend. [b]She had called him [u]"weird"[/u] multiple times. [/b] [b]My boyfriend can [u]come off as rude unintentionally[/u]. He’s an [u]introvert,[/u] [u]soft-spoken[/u], and [u]quiet in big groups unless you speak to him first. [/u]He has a [u]very reserved demeanor[/u] [/b]that I attribute to his military and law enforcement career. I didn’t like him at first until I got to know him. We are in love and I plan to marry him. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon - hopefully never - and I don’t know how to get my friend to see this and back off. [/quote] My apologies, I didn't have an opportunity to read the other comments before posting. I only had time to read your OP. As the parent of a neurodivergent, I've done more than enough research on the subject matter. IMO, it seems like your boyfriend may be autistic (or at the very least, he may sit somewhere on the spectrum)? He has many of the benchmark traits. Coming off as rude "unintentionally" is one of the biggest tell tale signs (fyi, he's not being rude, he's simply speaking truthfully). Although, speaking truthfully comes across as being blunt, insensitive or uncaring. That's because he has no filter, so he doesn't really consider the affects (or the weight) that his words have before he says them, because to him, words aren't emotional. There's truth and lies. It's very black & white to him. You also listed many others signs that are symptomatic of autism, as well. I understand that it hurt you when your best friend called him "weird", but let me ask you a question... is she wrong? Is he [i]actually[/i] weird or maybe even awkward? She may be speaking the truth about him, but maybe it's the tone in which she says it that you don't like or appreciate? Humans tend to fear what we don't understand, however feeling fearful leaves us feeling very exposed and vulnerable (and nobody likes to feel vulnerable). So what we'll typically do is turn that fear into hate, as hate removes those feelings of vulnerability, because our brain lies and tells us that "hate" will puts us back in control over our fears (it's of course not true, but it's atypical human behavior, sadly). Why do you think there's so much hatred and discrimination based on different races, religions, cultures, sexual orientation, etc? Those who can be so hateful toward entire groups of people (that they don't even know personally!) are usually the most ignorant and uneducated about the lifestyle & culture of the people that they supposedly hate. If I were you, I would have your boyfriend take both of the self assessment tests below (you could even fill it out for him prior to telling him about them, just to see the analysis that come back, based on your answers about him. Then when you know more, you can tell him to take them if you think he'll be receptive). FYI, the Adult Repetitive Behaviours Questionnaire (RBQ-2A) and the Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) are below and both are known as [b][u]the[/u][/b] most reputable self administered autism assessment screening tools online. (RBQ-2A) https://embrace-autism.com/rbq-2a/ (AQ) https://embrace-autism.com/aq-10/ [/quote] OP here. I’m not trying to be a jerk but you’re in no way qualified to make this judgement or label anyone. Only a trained medical professional can make this type of diagnosis. [/quote]
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