Reply to s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is a great question. TBH, looking back, there were red flags. But I rationalized them and went ahead because I had poor judgment in my mid 20s.[/quote]

So maybe I am right in telling my kids not to get married until they're at least 30?[/quote]
NP.

It’s not about age. It’s about life lessons that enable good decision making. Some people have to learn these lessons the hard way, but parents can do a lot to instill that wisdom.

Work hard at parenting in a way that gives your kids self-worth, strong boundaries, and confidence. Lack of self-worth is why women like me did not trust our own gut, lack of boundaries is why we did not walk away until red flags became glaring problems, and lack of confidence is why we did not resist social pressure to hang on to a “good” man.

Teach your kids to trust themselves by trusting them first. Teach your kids what good boundaries are by respecting their boundaries even when it’s more convenient not to. Teach your kids that it’s actually good to walk away from bad people and bad situations, and that they don’t need a “good” reason to decide they just don’t want someone in their life. Their discomfort is enough reason. Don’t pressure them to give second chances or ignore their discomfort in order to be “fair” to others. Outright tell them that hanging on for dear life to anyone or anything in the name of perseverance is a form of self abuse and is not praise worthy. [/quote]

Well-written and true.[/quote]

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