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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Lol, I've been through this so many times. My DH and I always pay when out with his two sisters and their families. The big expensive dinner we end up paying for on the regular is Christmas Eve in a restaurant. SIL #1 and her young adult daughter and young adult son, and SIL #2 and her DH and two teenage sons and they often bring a friend of the teen sons along (which I thought was weird, but whatever). We are also feds, but have more money than my SILs. Well, more money than one of them anyway. The truth is, it's fair that we always pay for this meal because the SILs have Christmas and Thanksgiving at their homes, and we hae never hosted because we are in a smallish apartment and they have houses. Also, you all know how this labor falls on the women of a family, and this dynamic was in place before I came along and hell if I was going to start cooking huge holiday meals for DH's family and DH can't cook anything beyond chicken nuggets in the air fryer.  So ... Christmas Eve is always in a restaurant and we pay. We meet in restaurants a couple of other times per year as well, sometimes for birthdays, etc., or on their mother's birthday (she passed before I met him) and DH and I always pay.

So...the annoying part. SIL #2, or, more precisely her DH and teenage sons, order everything under the sun. The DH starts with a manhattan cocktail of all things, then he and his sons order like 5 appetizers which are presumably for the table but they choose them with no input and they eat them up. Then the DH and the teenage boys without fail order one of the top most expensive items on the menu. Every damn time. Then, when everyone is over it and ready to go home and the server is going to bring the check, one of the teenage boys always asks for dessert and coffee. And we all have to sit there and watch him eat it, which adds 20 damn minutes on when we were dying to get out of there.

But here's the cake topper. When SIL #2's DH doesn't come, which is about half the time, she orders him an entire meal, appetizers and all, to go -- on our dime. It's always filet mignon. This annoys the hell out of me.

Can we afford all of this? Yes. Does it annoy me? Yes. Not because of the money, but because it is antithetical to how I was brought up. So I'm projecting my WASPy values onto them and getting pissed off. But I can't help it. I might have less vitriol over this if the teenage boys weren't clearly stoned out of their minds and acting weird every single damn time.  [/quote]

op here. This would make me crazy as well. Sure we can afford it all. Sure it’s fine. He’s a sad old man who won’t stop bragging about his stock portfolio and first class travel, and your possibly high nephews and friend of nephews are all driving us nuts. It’s the principle of it all and my WASPy values just drives me into a shame spiral where I’m secondhand ashamed of their rudeness and at the same time ashamed of my less than charitable feelings.[b] Just know next year that there is another lady in the DC area that’s gritting her teeth as well.[/b] [/quote]

We are long lost twins. Or maybe we were both just brought up right. Lol, I totally will think of this as I rage inside over how horribly [i]wrong[/i] it is to order the most expensive thing on the menu when someone else is paying.[/quote]

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