Anonymous wrote:The difference between the two genders, is that a narcissistic man usually has the financial and social power to obliterate you, in court, in the classroom, in the boardroom.

Women may be histrionic (telling stories and exaggerating). Borderline. Bipolar.

Not an excuse, but women often lack any real power to obliterate another human being.

Think of the story "Flowers in the Attic." Who was the narcissistic abuser? The grandmother or the mother? The mother seemed very narcissistic to me, the way she abandoned her children following her DH's death. The backstory showed how the grandmother was abused and she became the abuser. The mental health issues were rampant in the family, mostly on the father's side.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if they're like my mom (I'm a woman), everything has to revolve around her, and she tries to turn any event - someone else's wedding, or funeral - into her show. Doesn't know how to listen to someone else's troubles without trying to "win" it with her own story, interrupts, doesn't listen, only talks about herself. As a child, I was supposed to be her accessory and give her bragging rights, but couldn't ever complain about her. If I did complain, it turned into a vicious vitriolic attack against my whole life. For example, I was told I was a bad baby. My mother is the "church lady" and has been a Sunday School teacher for decades.

Narcissists can be men or women.

That sounds self centered or too talkative or anxious.

Narcs are way more calculating and manipulative, and in a sweet way, then you don’t know what hit you. Then they gaslight you and walk off. The hidden agendas. Over and over

Question: do they know that they're calculating and manipulative or are these behaviors a kind of defense mechanism due to their inner deficits? I can see both possibilities. I am never sure how much they know what they're doing and how much is unconscious behavior. Or are there different types/spectrums of behavior?

Yes they know. They’ll sweet talk you down to get their way.

I have an aspergers spouse who has zero empathy and gaslights but can’t remember stuff. But most of the time you see it’s stemming from cluelessness not malice like from a narcissist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Anything around their envy or jealousy or desire to hurt someone....they are likely more unconscious about. (Though not always). They have stirrings about those affects but they don't really own them or understand them deeply and may tgerefore project it outward, that you are the one with the problem. They have fragile egos and resort to immature defenses (denial, projection) when confronted.

Don't forget silent treatment and triangulation!

💯

The "storytelling" that was referenced earlier can be part of this, trying to gain sympathy from other people by portraying your victimhood and"hardship. " More aggressive types will full on slander you and your reputation. They can be quite destructive. It's not just harmless gossip in those cases.

Anonymous wrote:If someone appears to not like them or is “mean” to them, it’s because that person is envious of them.

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Anonymous wrote:In my experience, big storytellers, often big exaggerators (or liars in some cases) who enjoy having the opportunity to be "on" esp. with strangers or people that don't know them well because they are their best here, often entertaining and charming in small doses, (esp in their own minds) where the realities of ongoing complex relationships are not at all at play. Talk about something deep or tragic about human beings (serious illness, tragedy, or suffering in someone else) and they are quite limited in being able to connect around it. Will do so only superficially. Or they're judgmental, either openly or privately. They are prone to two defenses, idealizing (esp with someone new) and then inevitably devaluing/demeaning. They inflate themselves in various areas that don't line up with reality (perhaps their intelligence, beauty, etc) and lack the self awareness and humility to even realize they do this. They're thin skinned, see insult easily, get self righteous and loathe being called out on their sh*t and may then rage if and when it happens. They don't love deeply or unselfishly. They're broken interpersonally due to holes and deprivations in early attachments. So don't expect a lot emotionally because their life is about their own psychological survival and trying to cope with deep feelings of not being enough. (Inadequacy). This might be partly unconscious. They don't realize the depth of their wound. The malignant types are more openly sadistic and cruel as well.

This is my mom and my sister (although my sister is slightly different)

Anonymous wrote:If someone appears to not like them or is “mean” to them, it’s because that person is envious of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, big storytellers, often big exaggerators (or liars in some cases) who enjoy having the opportunity to be "on" esp. with strangers or people that don't know them well because they are their best here, often entertaining and charming in small doses, (esp in their own minds) where the realities of ongoing complex relationships are not at all at play. Talk about something deep or tragic about human beings (serious illness, tragedy, or suffering in someone else) and they are quite limited in being able to connect around it. Will do so only superficially. Or they're judgmental, either openly or privately. They are prone to two defenses, idealizing (esp with someone new) and then inevitably devaluing/demeaning. They inflate themselves in various areas that don't line up with reality (perhaps their intelligence, beauty, etc) and lack the self awareness and humility to even realize they do this. They're thin skinned, see insult easily, get self righteous and loathe being called out on their sh*t and may then rage if and when it happens. They don't love deeply or unselfishly. They're broken interpersonally due to holes and deprivations in early attachments. So don't expect a lot emotionally because their life is about their own psychological survival and trying to cope with deep feelings of not being enough. (Inadequacy). This might be partly unconscious. They don't realize the depth of their wound. The malignant types are more openly sadistic and cruel as well.

This is my mom and my sister ( although my sister is slightly different)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anything around their envy or jealousy or desire to hurt someone....they are likely more unconscious about. (Though not always). They have stirrings about those affects but they don't really own them or understand them deeply and may tgerefore project it outward, that you are the one with the problem. They have fragile egos and resort to immature defenses (denial, projection) when confronted.

Don't forget silent treatment and triangulation!

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, big storytellers, often big exaggerators (or liars in some cases) who enjoy having the opportunity to be "on" esp. with strangers or people that don't know them well because they are their best here, often entertaining and charming in small doses, (esp in their own minds) where the realities of ongoing complex relationships are not at all at play. Talk about something deep or tragic about human beings (serious illness, tragedy, or suffering in someone else) and they are quite limited in being able to connect around it. Will do so only superficially. Or they're judgmental, either openly or privately. They are prone to two defenses, idealizing (esp with someone new) and then inevitably devaluing/demeaning. They inflate themselves in various areas that don't line up with reality (perhaps their intelligence, beauty, etc) and lack the self awareness and humility to even realize they do this. They're thin skinned, see insult easily, get self righteous and loathe being called out on their sh*t and may then rage if and when it happens. They don't love deeply or unselfishly. They're broken interpersonally due to holes and deprivations in early attachments. So don't expect a lot emotionally because their life is about their own psychological survival and trying to cope with deep feelings of not being enough. (Inadequacy). This might be partly unconscious. They don't realize the depth of their wound. The malignant types are more openly sadistic and cruel as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anything around their envy or jealousy or desire to hurt someone....they are likely more unconscious about. (Though not always). They have stirrings about those affects but they don't really own them or understand them deeply and may tgerefore project it outward, that you are the one with the problem. They have fragile egos and resort to immature defenses (denial, projection) when confronted.

Don't forget silent treatment and triangulation!

💯