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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Get a grip on yourself, OP. You and your husband are not responsible for your in-laws' comfort in their waning years.

There are government agencies that help keep seniors keep body and soul together - call their county's senior helpline and ask what services are available for your FIL and MIL. It could be meals on wheels, or something else. When they cannot live independently, they can go into a Medicaid facility.

For the funeral, do your due diligence on the VA option. Make all the calls. Pitch in whatever is needed for a minimalist funeral. The dead won't care, and the living can't afford fancy, so minimal it is. If FIL and MIL can't afford to attend, they can't afford to attend.

There is no need to panic over the future. Your first duty is to your children. You will not cover basic costs for your in-laws. Period.

[/quote]

Having lived this for the past twenty years with my poor, hapless in-laws, I wish someone had given DH and me the advice above.  In retrospect, I would say your moral obligation is to your own family and building financial stability for your future so your kids aren't faced with the same problem.  If you own a home, have your kid's college accounts funded and your retirement on its way, then at that point you can think in terms of viewing your in-laws as your charity.  But you are NOT obligated to bankrupt or otherwise set yourself way back financially in order to bail them out.[/quote]

How do you let go of the guilt in all this though, if they beg for money?[/quote]

You give your time to help them access government services. That is already a giant effort on your part. Why on earth would you feel guilty?

Right now on DCUM there are several threads going about how adult children either feel guilty, or are made to feel guilty, for not taking more care of their parents.

Is this for real, or is it just one person with a fixation?

Surely you've reached the age where you can identify BS and learned to say no, deflect, redirect, etc? You do not owe these people anything. Your duty is to yourself and your children, to ensure you are not a burden on anyone, and your kids are started off into the world well-prepared.

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