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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Get a grip on yourself, OP. You and your husband are not responsible for your in-laws' comfort in their waning years.

There are government agencies that help keep seniors keep body and soul together - call their county's senior helpline and ask what services are available for your FIL and MIL. It could be meals on wheels, or something else. When they cannot live independently, they can go into a Medicaid facility.

For the funeral, do your due diligence on the VA option. Make all the calls. Pitch in whatever is needed for a minimalist funeral. The dead won't care, and the living can't afford fancy, so minimal it is. If FIL and MIL can't afford to attend, they can't afford to attend.

There is no need to panic over the future. Your first duty is to your children. You will not cover basic costs for your in-laws. Period.

[/quote]

Having lived this for the past twenty years with my poor, hapless in-laws, I wish someone had given DH and me the advice above.  In retrospect, I would say your moral obligation is to your own family and building financial stability for your future so your kids aren't faced with the same problem.  If you own a home, have your kid's college accounts funded and your retirement on its way, then at that point you can think in terms of viewing your in-laws as your charity.  But you are NOT obligated to bankrupt or otherwise set yourself way back financially in order to bail them out.[/quote]

How do you let go of the guilt in all this though, if they beg for money?[/quote]

You and your husband need to be a united front.

His parents are YOUNG old people. They can still work, even? Why aren't THEY the ones feeling guilty about being broke and possibly needing to beg family for help?

If they want help, the time for it is NOW. You have tried to help them make plans. Keep being very clear. You are just getting by yourself. Don't tell them how much you are able to save or what plans you are making for your kids' college and your own retirement. You have NO extra money for them, but what you do have is TIME to help them research how to help themselves.

They need to have a plan and to know that that plan is NOT you!

Every time they insist it will all work out?  That's how you let go of the guilt.
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