Reply to According to experts: “If you have a friend who uses any of these 8 toxic phrases, it may be time to ‘move on

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Reply to "According to experts: “If you have a friend who uses any of these 8 toxic phrases, it may be time to ‘move on"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes, though, your feelings really ARE the problem.  Sometimes people really ARE too sensitive, and/or can’t take a joke.  That’s probably why those people eventually get met with point 8 from the article.[/quote]

You shouldn't make jokes at another person's expense. Once they tell you they don't like it, then you're the problem if you keep doing it.[/quote]

Strongly disagree.  If it’s actually joking and not intended maliciously.  And yes it is harsh, but so many people really are just too GD sensitive these days and it makes basic human interactions exhausting.

And I realize this is a hot take, but just because you have “feelings” about something doesn’t mean that they are “valid”… sometimes you actually ARE just wrong!  Sometimes you really have misinterpreted something.  And sometimes it’s just your opinion and others don’t have to agree with (or even respect) that.

For evidence that most of you actually deep down agree with this, just think about whatever someone on the exact opposite side of the political spectrum might say about their “feelings” on some issue that you also feel strongly about.  I’ll bet you have zero interest in making that person feel heard, or “validating” them.  You just think they’re wrong and/or stupid and/or a bad person.[/quote]

But your last paragraph actually explains why you should make jokes at your friend's expense. Sure, there are people are I think are just wrong or unethical or whatever. And if someone like that said that something I said hurt their feelings, I don't really care because it's not my job to take care of their feelings.

But we're talking about friendships. I don't become friends with people I think are fundamentally wrong or stupid. So different rules apply. With a friend there should be a baseline level of deference. You should not be cracking jokes at your friend's expense to begin with, and if you do and they are hurt, you should apologize and stop out of respect for them and the relationship.

Also, being made fun of by a friend, or having a friend refuse to apologize or continue a hurtful behavior, is so much more harmful than someone you don't know or might even fundamentally dislike.
Your friends are supposed to want you to be happy, or at least not want to cause you pain. If I tell a friend " it really hurts when you do X" I expect them to give a damn about my feelings. Otherwise why are we even friends? [/quote]

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