Reply to Mourning all the wasted years.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Mourning all the wasted years. "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I agree with PPs that you are romanticizing the “what ifs” but just as we don’t have a crystal ball to predict our future, there’s no way to know what would’ve happened on that “road not traveled.” There js no perfect path; it’s likely you would’ve experienced other real struggles, pain, loneliness, uncertainty, insecurity, rejection, all of the stuff that people desl with in adolescence and early adulthood. Perhaps you wouldn’t have married or had children, and at the very least it’s likely you would’ve experienced at least some of the myriad challenges we routinely read about here that don’t necessarily reflect a history of trauma. Life is hard for a lot of people, and relationships are complex under the best of circumstances.

It sounds like your marriage was stable and enduring and you have created a family life that is very different from what you experienced growing up, against all odds. That’s no small thing. It also sounds like you have built a career, and have financial stability. I hear a lot of good in your life.

I do not really know how one can distinguish “dependent love” from “true love.” We all have reasons for choosing our partners, conscious and unconscious, based on our own personal histories. I know you are deep in the trenches of therapy but what you describe is very similar to the mid-life crisis that PPs have alluded to; you are not immune, and while it’s certainly impacted by the path you took to survive and escape terrible trauma, it’s also somewhat common and universal at this stage of life.

I don’t mean to undermine your hard-won insights and experience in therapy. Nor do I mean to shrug off the impact of your husband’s hurtful behavior. But none of us our perfect; he’s human and vulnerable too and he may be scared of losing you and the safe status quo that he has his own reasons to cling to.

Hopefully in time and with the continuation of therapy you’ll be able to see that you “were a person” all along and you will shift to a mindset that’s reflective and galvanizing but does not have you wanting to scream with frustration or longing. Again, your “road not traveled” is a bit of a fantasy. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics