Reply to I'm sick of being the punching bag

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem is not that she vents to you, the problem is that you can't listen without taking on the emotions of the vent.

You would like to label her behavior as wrong, which is wrong.

You need to be honest with yourself and her and say, I don't know why but when you vent it makes me sad/upset. I want you to be able to come to me but it's too much to always only hear the negative.

At the end of every negative vent, try saying 3 positive things... or 3 things you that you are grateful for.

Also, work on not feeling her emotions. [/quote]

This is good advice.[/quote]

Np. I like the idea of having some positive things to focus on, but I think telling my dd that her feelings made me sad or upset would make her upset and then not come to me when things are hard. I remember stopping telling my mom things because she worried too much. Still now I feel constrained to keep our conversations positive to spare her feelings, but it makes for a much less honest and open relationship.[/quote]

You can say that. But you’re transitioning from parenting a child to a young adult and you have to trust that she also cares about your feelings…. And perhaps at 16 she doesn’t but by 23 she will… but it’s a process.

It’s okay for you to also have feelings, your children need to know you are human

Don’t have this discussion during a vent

Say, I fear you will stop confiding in me by telling you this, but I’m also sure you are mature enough to understand what I’m about to tell you and still trust me and come to me.

Also, in the future, you will want to vent to your BF/spouse and I would like to model a positive way to do that.

We are parents, we feel our kids pain. Thats okay, but we also need to have boundaries to feel pain, and joy, and be treated as a feeling human.

Maybe even ask for a hug after the vent to counteract the negative.[/quote]

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