Reply to tell me about your marriage if both spouses have untreated ADHD

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know a family of introverts who are actually pretty nasty and narrow minded about it.

They cannot fathom why anyone would have their kids do a sport, or decorate their house, or go on vacations, or talk during dinner.

That’s just all too much work and so unnecessary. And tell you so. 
Oh and “emotions are weakness”, they told me that one too. [/quote]

I have seen this, also - like a superiority complex.  Also tend to believe that if someone is warm, friendly and/or has people skills, then they must be a doormat. [/quote]

Yup, and refuse to join any type of community. I know someone who's DS is ASD and both refused to join any parents autism groups because "they didn't want to be one of those militant autism parents".  And refused to actually, you know, raise their kids.[/quote]
Maybe they feel like they’d be rejecting or negating the way their own parents taught them to love, and the sacrifices their parents made to keep up with the NT world.

And since the “normal” way is ALWAYS hard, it’s incredibly difficult to tell when you’re making things “unnecessarily complicated,” and difficult to stop even when you realize it. So you just opt out of stuff completely for your sanity and survival, because well, that’s not bad for the kids either, to have parents who don’t take on more than they can manage. I’m mostly offering my take on how my parents may have felt, but I see this in myself as well. I believe the rigidity also helped them to be consistent with structure and disciplining.

As for my family now, we’re not a double-diagnosis family bc DH is NT, but I often feel like we are bc he has a lot of the “learned/weaponized incompetence” -type behaviors around the house. I just do not have the bandwidth to pick up the slack, so things are unhappily chaotic as described by others above. We have very uneven earning power as well (similar to others, I too am comically, ludicrously underemployed…didn’t know that was a thing), so I often feel stressed and ashamed about the fact that I’m not picking up the slack at home.[/quote]

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