Reply to tell me about your marriage if both spouses have untreated ADHD

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It looks like:
-parking tickets with penalties
-filing taxes late 
-last minute vacation planning
-running out of toilet paper
-being reminded to go grocery shopping
-never sending Christmas cards
-never being a bridesmaid 
-knowing better than to volunteer for opportunities at kids school
-not maximizing kids educational opportunities 
-underachieving at work for your educational level[/quote]

+1.

All of the above but many fully believe this normal and everyone in the world functions at this same very level.  [/quote]

This. If it's both partners, they really might not realize (or they might be kidding themselves). I have a friend with really obvious untreated ADHD (and he's SO much fun), and he was honestly just gobsmacked to realize that some people plan vacations more than a few weeks in advance.[/quote]

I’m treated (fairly recently), spouse is not.

We have systems in place to avoid “ADHD tax” but unfortunately they are incompatible sometimes - I have everything on autopay and am usually always resetting my passwords for anything not saved by my computer automatically.  Spouse has everything written down, but completely chaotically and can sometimes not find the notebook or even figure out what they meant or wrote down.   If spouse gets a bill, they will write a check and mail it almost right away, even if it means being late for the next thing.

I had no idea not everyone lives like this.

It’s doable, but can be exhausting.  But I also think I’d find it harder to live with them if I didn’t have ADHD myself. [/quote]

This is fascinating. How did you live your life not realizing there are other ways? And what prompted you to get treatment? How do you feel about it now?[/quote]

I should have revised that - I didn’t realize that other people could manage that stuff without it being EXTREMELY DIFFICULT.  Like, a habit of putting your keys in the same place or putting dishes directly in the dishwasher.   I always thought the people who habitually do that, remembered it every time and I was just ‘lazy’ for not being able to do that.

I got treatment because work was impossible for me - my job was easier than my previous job, but it was hard for me to get anything done unless it was last minute.  I had a friend who was diagnosed as an adult because her son was diagnosed and she had been talking about adult ADHD, and it was like a lightbulb.  Turns out, my last job, which was 70% putting out metaphorical fires someone else caused, was perfect for someone like me.  It’s an emergency and a new problem we haven’t seen before - I can hyper focus and get something done in record time.   Make me responsible for self-motivating in a day to day management of a project, though? Impossible.

Now I’m much more forgiving.  I realize that I have limitations on how I can handle things and do things, especially around the house, so I set up systems that mostly work and try not to beat myself up when they don’t.  And redundancies redundancies redundancies.    If there wasn’t autopay, my credit score would tank, if I couldn’t have a calendar in my pocket, on my computer, and on the kitchen counter, with reminders on when to leave, we’d never do anything.  [/quote]

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