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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Guy here.  We are in the same situation.  We have discussed what would happen or what we would want for the other if something were to happen that impeded our physical abilities or death.

I would do everything I could, but if it was clear I was unable to provide that type of pleasure,  I would encourage her to find a lover.   I would not want to know about it or be involved in anyway. That would crush me.  But her having sex is the most beautiful thing in the world and I couldn’t take that away.

We have never shared, had a desire to.  [/quote]

My husband and I have a really strong sexual relationship. He is in his early 50s and the equipment is not working as well as it used to. There are times when he struggles to maintain. I do the best I can to help without making it obvious, and we are making it work. Desire is not an issue at this time. If he was no longer able to perform at all, I would not want a lover. I would want my husband back. It seems like you do not see it that way, but fwiw, if my husband told me to find a lover because he wasn't able to perform sexually, I would feel hurt. I would feel rejected.

OP's situation doesn't really sound like it's got much in common with either of us.[/quote]

PP here I think this is why it is important to have these discussions beforehand and not during or after a situation that would impact intimacy.  Then there is a foundational understanding of where my thought process is and allows her to express her feelings or ask questions on an ongoing as  needed basis or feelings and emotions change.

I completely understand the feeling rejected part.  I look at intimacy as more than PIV.  I would never not pursue or deny my wife intimacy.

This isn’t something I would make her do , push on her or request of her.  As I stated originally I have let her know my feelings and specifically said I wouldn’t want to know anything about it. What she does would be up to her.  I would want her to be satisfied in that way without any guilt.  No reason she should ever be denied that.

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