Reply to How often do you feel like a bad mom?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dailyish, but I remind myself that this job sucks and wasn't designed with moms in mind and then I get over it.  :lol:

There's no way to be a "good mom" all the time. From the moment you conceive, you're doing it wrong in someone else's eyes.

Lower your personal standards for what motherhood is supposed to be/mean, and maybe do some therapy about where you found those beliefs and whether or not they serve you.

But remember: this job is a scam, in our culture it's [b]largely built on the idea that enslaved people would do the work[/b], and there's literally no way to do it "right". So if you're doing it wrong, you're completely normal (and in good company, whether or not the DCUMommies admit it).[/quote]

Pp, can you say more about the bolded? I’m not trying to start a fight or a debate, I’ve just never heard this and want to understand what you mean.

Your post really resonates with me except I view it through the lens of the patriarchy. Like no matter what happens with my kids it’s always and forever my fault, whereas all my husband has to do is literally exist and not hit them and is a HERO DAD.[/quote]

Pretty straightforward, really. In slave-based capitalism, a lot of the "drudgework" was the burden of enslaved people, allowing slave-owning people recreational time to pursue other activities/work. Several of what we now call motherhood's burdens, like cooking, cleaning, even nursing babies, were often assigned to enslaved people. The work still needed to get done when slavery was made illegal, and now it's lumped under the umbrella term of "motherhood" (or, if you're trying to be more gender-neutral, "parenting", though many studies show there's still a pretty significant gender divide here in hetero relationships). This is why you're catching the patriarchy part, and that part has deeper roots, like most systems here.

The job of mother was never designed to be done solely by one person. We still have the adage "it takes a village..." but not the village. You can thank colonialism for that, too. [/quote]

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