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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a number of people I am related to by birth and grew up with and know them in adulthood.  I am somewhat close to some, others I do not care for.  I enjoy the company of people I am not related to by miles above those I am related to.  I also am inspired/ look up to these people, and I do not feel the same about most of my family.

I could take or leave the idea of family (meaning relatives).  Why do some people put such importance of family? [/quote]

How old are you?

Are you beautiful?

Did your parents care for you as a child, or were you an orphan? [/quote]

And are you in the demographics that high status strangers prefer to treat well and befriend? [/quote]

These are genuinely good questions.

I grew up in an abusive/neglectful home and when I was young (20s/early 30s) I might have agreed with OP because there was no unconditional love or even basic standard of care in my home. The only people who'd ever hit me or been very cruel to me were people who were related to me. I associated family with abuse.

But as I got older, two things happened: (1) I encountered people who were not related to me who were also abusive, including a scary neighbor who used to threaten me and scream at me, and a coworker who spread horrible false rumors about me and tried to destroy my reputation, and (2) I got married and had kids and discovered the value of having people who are in your corner no matter what.

So now I know better. And as I get older (and less attractive, and continue to just be middle class and have little social or political capital) the more I value these people who are on my side through thick and thin. People outside your family often need your to prove yourself over and over. My spouse and kids don't. This is such a relief. I love my friends too, but friends can come and go and are not always there for you when you really, really need help.

But I'm sympathetic to people who feel like OP because it's often a sign that their families were like mine and just utterly failed to create that safe haven for them. It sucks! Coming from abusive, neglectful, or highly dysfunctional families is such a challenge, and it follows you your whole life. I'm breaking that chain but it doesn't mean it's easy. Go make your own family, OP. It helps.[/quote]

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