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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ugh. I was the ex once in this situation. Was super close friends with a guy but due to a myriad of factors we could not make it work romantically. We’d always take time away from each other then find our way back to each other, creep in as “friends” and be close again.

I eventually had to cut off the relationship precisely because a) I wasn’t fully emotionally available to begin a new relationship and b) our friendship was not appropriate for two people who would eventually be in other relationships, and I didn’t want to be iced out like your BF will eventually have to do when he gets serious about someone else.

Knowing how my friendship was- and what information about us that I am sure my “friend” kept from the women he dated - I would not have been comfortable being the person he was dating. I did us all a favor. You are right to be uncomfortable. He shouldn’t be texting/calling anyone that intensely/frequently, let alone an ex.[/quote]

Btw, sometimes we miss each other. I know because it’s obvious when we do talk, which is rarely. We can pick up right where we left off. I have zero regrets about our relationship not working out, and am happily married now, but having that type of dynamic be a constant presence in my life now would not be a good thing for any marriage. It’s sad that we can’t be friends because we really were great friends, but that’s how it has to be.

[/quote]

Thank you for this. I believe there are no romantic feelings (maybe?) but its the fact that they can just pick right up again. I agree that its the stress of it constantly being in my life that is holding me back in this relationship.[/quote]

PP here. The complicated part is that you have to be the one instigating this, and he hasn’t come to that conclusion himself. You don’t want him to resent you over this, but you shouldn’t tolerate it either. He should realize he can’t have a friendship like that long term if he intends to be in a serious relationship.

My husband was fresh out of a long term relationship when we met. He still spoke to her often and I had to tell him it made me uncomfortable. He didn’t go no contact, but they never saw each other and speak occasionally. It sort of happened naturally as the years went by. He should want to be respectful of his current relationship. [/quote]

I feel like if he listened to me when I told him I was uncomfortable with it and put limits on their relationship organically as his choice, I wouldn’t mind that they were in occasional contact. But he obviously doesn’t have good boundaries with her, so I had to ask for the nuclear option of no contact. He did agree to no contact though. [/quote]

He's not going to cut off contact. He'll just quit telling you about it. [/quote]

This.
And when you find out that they are still at it, it will get ugly.[/quote]

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