Reply to Did anyone have a deadbeat dad return when you're an adult?

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[quote=Anonymous]I cut off contact with my abusive parent.  Whenever I feel guilt and worry about how my parent is feeling, I imagine the estrangement as a permanent, joint meditation on pain, consequences and wisdom.  It stops me from reaching back out and giving in to the guilt.

He can always meditate on why you aren't coming around.   :wink:

FWIW, I've been a social worker for a few decades and so I've interacted with men like your father about this issue. Here are my observations:

1. The adult children feel very distressed, angry and guilty about the renewed contact.  They typically ignore or lash out at the fathers.

2. The elderly, abandoning fathers are dealing with a host of other issues and losses. Rejection by their adult children is teeny, tiny fraction of the whole picture. Their distress lasts for a few MINUTES and then they defensively blame the mother and in some cases the adult children. They do not spend much time reflecting on the impact of their behavior. They quickly move on to other concerns.

3. I would be willing to bet good money you've felt more,  remembered more, thought more and talked more about the pain of your father's abandonment than your father.  It's his turn.  Go live your life.

Good luck. 
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